‘Drink?’ I asked, drying my hands on a fluffy white towel and reaching for the kettle.
‘I’ll have wine if you’ve got some.’
That sounded more sociable than I really wanted to be, but I nevertheless went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of white.
‘Is this okay?’ I asked, already reaching for a solitary glass from the cupboard.
‘You’re not having one?’ she asked, watching me pour out the Chardonnay.
In truth, I’d never wanted alcohol more than I did right then, but I was still ten days away from knowing if I might be pregnant, and I wasn’t prepared to jeopardize my chances of a good outcome, not for anything, and especially not to keep Claire company while she sat drinking my wine.
‘It’s a bit early for me,’ I said, setting the glass down on the table and pulling out the chair opposite her.
We would probably have been more comfortable in the lounge, but there was a business-like quality to the clean sharp lines of my kitchen that served as a reminder that this wasn’t a normal social visit.
‘So, what’s this all about, Claire?’ I asked, deciding to cut through any attempt at faux pleasantries and get straight to the point of her visit.
For a moment I thought I saw a glint of respect in her eyes. She wanted this over almost as much as I did.
‘You had to go and find him, didn’t you?’ Claire said, leaning back in her chair with the look of a prosecutor at a trial. ‘You couldn’t just leave it alone. Leavehimalone, could you?’
I hadn’t known the gloves were going to be coming off so soon.
‘I take it you mean Josh.’
The look she gave me would have withered anyone else, but we’d locked horns enough times for it to barely dent me.
‘Of course I mean Josh. He was doing okay. He had things figured out at last, and then you had to come back and screw with him all over again.’
I swallowed uncomfortably, aware I’d flinched at her words.
‘I don’t know what you’ve come here to complain about, Claire, but it really isn’t any of your business.’
Claire slammed down her wine so hard I feared for the fragile stem of the glass. ‘Of course it’s my bloody business. You messed him up six years ago, and just when he was getting a handle on life, moving on, you go charging in like a ballistic missile and he’s right back at square one again.’
My anger was a long, slow boil, but it was already simmering deep within me.
‘Look, Claire, as much as I dislike your interference, I am prepared to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume this home invasion—’ She snorted at that. I took a steadying breath and tried again. ‘— comes from a place of concern for Josh, so I’m willing to tolerate you being rude and even unpleasant to me in my own home. But you’re way out of line telling me that I’ve ever ruined Josh’s life. Okay, things weren’t exactly amicable when we parted years ago, but there was no animosity between us when we said goodbye seven months ago.’
For a fleeting moment I was back there in the clearing outside Josh’s cabin, feeling his fingers winding their way through my hairas he kissed me in the moonlight on the night before I left. It was a memory I still couldn’t let go of.
‘You didn’t shut the door on anything, Lily. And you know nothing about how badly it affected him the last time. And as for closure, how could there be any, when sooner or later it was obvious you’d worm your way back into his life again.’
She made it sound like I’d been on a mission to hurt Josh, and while admittedly we’d been furious with each other when we’d ended things six years ago, it had been completely different this time when we’d parted. It had been the right decision for where we were now – forwhowe were now. But there was no way I was sharing that degree of personal information with Claire.
‘I went to see Josh earlier this year because my husband Adam had asked me to do so before he died. He said Josh had something to tell me.’ I looked down at my hands and saw I was turning my wedding band around and around on my finger. ‘But Josh said he didn’t know what Adam had been talking about. So as soon as the snow thawed and the roads were cleared, I left. There was no big drama. Except the one you’re making right now,’ I added softly, but not soft enough for the woman sitting in my kitchen not to hear.
‘For someone who thinks they’re so damn smart, you really are exceptionally dumb.’ Claire had a unique way of turning every comment about me into an insult. ‘Christ only knows why, but my brother is still in love with you. So much so that he puts you and your feelings above everyone else.’ She shook her head as though such insanity was beyond her. ‘Every. Single. Time,’ she added with disgust.
A silence fell on the room as we stared at each other across the width of the table where Adam and I had shared countless meals, plans, and dreams of forever. It was impossible to say how much I wanted Claire to leave, but she wasn’t done yet. Far from it.
‘Josh is coming to see you. It’s going to be a surprise,’ she said, ruining it without even a hint of remorse. ‘But before he gets here and says God only knows what, it’s about time you knew the truth.’
‘What truth?’ I asked, sitting up straighter in my chair, because suddenly the whole situation had changed. Even the ions in the air felt different.
‘The thing that your husband wanted Josh to tell you ... I know what it is. And unlike my brother, I have no desire to protect you, or hide something from you that you should have been told years ago.’
Chapter Thirty Four
