I turned away from the glass, feeling like I was eleven years old all over again as my mother walked towards me. If it weren’t for the lines on her face and the grey in her hair, I really would feel as though I had travelled back in time. It certainly seemed that way when her arms came around me and I buried my face in the comfort of her hug.
‘Today was always going to be shit, Lily.’
I smothered a sound that was halfway between a sob and a laugh against her waist. Mum never swore, and it said a lot that she did so now.
‘Do you think I’m always going to miss him this much, Mum? I thought it would get easier in time ... but it’s still so hard without him.’
She didn’t tell me the pain would ease, or dredge up a well-meaning platitude; she just tightened her hold and dropped her head down until it rested on mine.
‘We still talk about him every day, your dad and I,’ she said, her voice cracking slightly. I pulled back and we shared the same watery smile. There were tears in the eyes that used to be the same shade of green as mine.
‘He would have liked that,’ I said, knowing it to be true.
Mum nodded. ‘But what hewouldn’tlike is knowing that you’re still so very sad. He’d want you to be happy again. I know he would.’
The promise forced its way back into the forefront of my thoughts, like an arrogant queue jumper that refused to wait their turn. My head felt heavy as I acknowledged her words. Perhaps there was more than one reason why I’d felt the need to return here today. Perhaps it was because I knew that to take the next step forwards I would need to go back to where it had all started.
Chapter Two
Twenty Years Earlier
‘Go away!’
Lily was still gasping from the climb, and what little air she had left was instantly sucked from her by the stranger’s rude greeting.
‘Well, you’re not very nice, are you?’ she finally wheezed, swinging her leg over the thick branch she’d just hauled herself up on.
‘So they tell me,’ the boy replied mulishly. He glared at her angrily and Lily glared right back. ‘What are you doing here anyway? This is my tree.’
‘Actually, this tree belongs to Mr and Mrs Baker, who are our neighbours. And they let me climb it all the time.’
‘Liar,’ said the boy.
Lily blinked back at him. No one had ever been this rude to her in all of her eleven years, and to be honest she had no idea how to respond. The boy scared her a little.
When it became clear Lily had nothing further to say, the boy found himself unwillingly filling the silence. ‘I always know when people are lying to me.’
‘How?’ Lily asked, forgetting she’d just decided not to speak to the intruder in her neighbours’ garden ever again.
The boy shrugged. He looked tall, although admittedly it was hard to be sure when he was crouched down on the branch of a tree, a good fifteen feet above the ground. She went a little queasy when she thought about that. The boy was right. She’d never climbed a tree before and the danger of being this far above the ground hadn’t really occurred to her until right now.
‘When people lie to you all the time you get good at spotting it. Crap, you’re not going to faint, are you?’
There suddenly seemed to be way too much saliva in Lily’s mouth, and she felt sweaty even though the day was quite cool for the middle of summer.
‘I don’t know. I’ve never fainted before. How would I tell?’
The boy gave another ‘I don’t really know or care’ shrug. ‘Don’t ask me. I guess we’ll find out when you go splat on the ground.’
Lily felt the Frosties she’d eaten for breakfast swirl around in her stomach like it was a whirlpool.
‘For fuck’s sake, you’d better not puke in my tree.’
‘You’re the rudest, most annoying boy I’ve ever met. Why are you so horrible?’ Lily asked. Her curiosity was more compelling than the need to throw up.
‘I dunno. You’d have to ask my case worker about that. It’s probably all there in my file.’
‘What file? And what’s a case worker?’
