‘Hey,’ he replied with a smile that didn’t manage to reach his eyes. They still looked sad. He glanced in the direction his customer had taken and then back towards me.
I nodded slowly, letting him know that I’d seen their exchange and understood. This time his smile managed to travel a little further north. My heart ached, not just for the old man and the fate of his beloved pet, but also for the man standing before me. The man who looked like a superhero fashioned from steel, but who cared deeply and wasn’t afraid to show it. It just about broke me when he lifted a hand and brushed it across his eyes, looking almost surprised to discover his fingers came away damp.
‘It never gets easier. You’d think, after all these years, that it would.’
‘Perhaps it never should,’ I said, slipping my hand through the crook of his arm.
With unspoken agreement, we headed back towards the surgery and went inside. Nick looked down at me with eyes that were dry now, but still sorrowful.
‘Even when you know it’s absolutely the right thing to do, it’s still so hard. But telling Charlie tonight that Digger had got to the end of the road…’
I didn’t imagine the crack in his voice, and in the absence of finding the right words to say, I simply reached for his hand. It was the first time our fingers had threaded together when we weren’t pretending, and it felt so unbelievably right, as though of all the hands in the entire universe, I’d finally found the one I wanted to hold on to for ever.
‘Charlie’s wife passed away last year, and I’ve been nursing Digger along for months now, but it’s finally time to let the old boy go. It’s always heartbreaking, but more so this time because that dog’s the only family Charlie has left.’
Nick might be holding back his tears, but mine were falling freely and I didn’t even know the old man or his dog.
‘Will he be okay? Charlie, I mean?’
Nick nodded slowly. ‘In time. But I’ll keep an eye on him.’
‘I want to go straight out and buy him a puppy,’ I said between inelegant sniffs.
Nick smiled sadly at my words and shook his head. ‘That’s not always the answer. Some people need time to let go and say goodbye in their own way.’
I had no doubt that was why Nick had encouraged Charlie to take his old companion home, so they could spend one last night together. His compassion dwarfed me. Like iron filings to a magnet, my attraction to him kept growing stronger every time I was with him. It was just as well that I’d be leaving soon, because even now I knew our goodbye was going to leave a scar.
‘Losing something you love is always painful, but the good memories you’re left with are proof that it was worth it.’
His words struck a chord, because wasn’t that exactly what I’d been doing with Nick all this time? I’d told myself the ‘memories’ we’d been creating were all for Amelia, but it was only now that I questioned if they might also be for me.
‘Do you mind if we wait a bit before we do the cake thing?’ Nick asked as I followed him down the corridor to the staffroom. ‘I’m going to need a moment or two to reset.’
I didn’t skip a beat, nor spare a thought for the very expensive gateau I’d bought earlier that day from the fancy patisserie in town. ‘Oh, I’m sorry, Nick. I should have messaged earlier to let you know. I couldn’t find a suitable cake, so there won’t be a photo op tonight.’
For a poor liar, I must admit I sounded pretty convincing. Nick certainly didn’t appear to doubt me. I saw the flicker of relief in his eyes and knew I’d made the right call. He was in no mood for that kind of frivolity, and if truth be told, neither was I.
He crossed to the coffee machine and held up the jug in an unspoken question. I nodded my reply. I suspected his thoughts were once again back with Charlie as he passed me a cup. Nick’s day had left its mark on him. It was there in the twin furrows between his brows, and the way he dropped heavily on to the staffroom’s only couch. He leant back against the cushioned seat with his long legs stretched out in front of him. I searched the room for somewhere to sit, preferably somewhere that didn’t require joining him on the couch.
Something felt different tonight. A door had swung open that I wasn’t sure we could close, or even if I wanted us to. And through the gap I could feel something new arcing between us, something combustible. It scared me a little.
I sat down on an old faded armchair covered in short wiry hair, which probably meant I’d stolen the dogs’ favourite seat. Nick had closed his eyes and was absently rubbing at the muscles on the back of his neck. I got dangerously close to offering him a neck massage, before good sense silenced me.
When he finally sat up and opened his eyes, he looked recharged. ‘So apart from the missing cake photo, do you have all the others that you wanted?’
My stomach clenched at his words. With a jolt, I realised that our final photograph had already been taken and that my mission was now over. A feeling of panic ran through me, knowing this was probably going to be our last evening together. Nick had upheld his end of the deal and then some. It wasn’t his fault that I suddenly wanted so much more than we’d ever agreed to.
He was staring at me curiously, presumably waiting for my answer. ‘Yes. I’ve got more than enough photographs. I’ve had them printed up and they’re tucked away in a box beneath my bed… just in case Amelia needs them.’
Nick nodded slowly, his expression unreadable.
‘I can’t thank you enough for being such a good sport about everything and agreeing to do this for someone you don’t even know.’
‘I knowyou,’ he said evenly.
Our time together might be drawing to a close, but it was never too late for one last blush. And it was a big one. Flustered, I paid far more attention than was needed to setting down my empty coffee cup. This was the second goodbye I’d delivered in the space of a few days, and on paper this one should feel a lot easier than Jeff’s had done. Only it didn’t.
‘I know you’ve had your doubts all along about what we were doing, and it really meant a lot to me that you still went along with it anyway.’
