“Only and always, James,” Cassian whispered.
Despite the heaviness in his chest, James smiled a little. He found one of Cassian’s hands and squeezed his fingers.
Mustering the last bit of strength he still had in that moment, he whispered back, “Only and always.”
***
April 15, 1912
4:03 a.m.
Scanning the horizon for theCarpathia, James felt as though he might collapse. Languidly, he shifted his weight right and left, moving exactly as instructed by the officer balanced at the front of the lifeboat. Over the last half hour, the ocean had become choppier, and the current was now making the boat unstable. In order to preserve the pocket of air beneath the boat—its presence the very thing that was keeping the bulk of the boat’s underside above the waterline—the crowd of men needed to counteract the effects of the waves. According to the officer, the men atop the collapsible lifeboat could accomplish this by shifting their weight exactly as instructed, right to left, right to left. And it seemed to be working, a little.
But the constant movement was exhausting, especially since James felt so weak from having struggled in the freezing water. He wasn’t certain for how much longer he could last. Others seemed to be facing the same problem, the men letting out exhausted sighs intermittently as they rocked from right to left.
What was worse though, was the fact that, despite their constant efforts, the lifeboat had still sunk a fair amount. Currently, most people’s feet and calves were in the water again. One of the men on the boat—the wireless telegrapher—couldn’t stand. His feet were broken or crushed or frostbitten. Or all three. And the poor fellow was either kneeling or lying flat, moving between the positions. Because of this, he was soaked, both from the waves that sometimes rolled over him and from the occasional spray that wet his face.
James’s heart ached for him. And for everyone else, too.
Another minute passed. James continued to search the horizon, like the others on board.
“Don’t the rest of you think that we ought to pray?” a man ahead asked.
Swallowing thickly, James could only shrug. He still remembered the hymns thatTitanic’s band played in those final minutes before the plunge. Even though the songs had been beautiful, he found that he wasn’t certain whether he even believed in anything anymore.
Others on the boat, though, were interested in praying.
“All right, then, we’ll pray,” the man who had suggested it said. “But, ah, what religion is everyone?”
People began to speak up.
“Catholic,” someone said.
“Methodist,” said another.
“Presbyterian,” a third called out.
Behind James, Cassian said, “Lutheran,” and James smiled, remembering Cassian’s “confirmation name.” Cassian pinched the space right above James’s hip. “You never said yours,” he said. “But you should.”
Huffing a light, raspy laugh, James replied, “Anglican.”
“Anglican?” Cassian balked. He laughed a little, too, though it sounded so weary and weak. “What an interesting thing.”
“It’s not,” James chuckled, not sounding much better himself. “It’s the Church of England. It’sthechurch where I’m from.”
“Still, it’s so strange,” Cassian said, still laughing a bit. He shook his head. “Anglican.”
Smiling to himself, James rolled his eyes, fondness swirling in his chest. So fervently, he wished that he could spin around and kiss the man.
Finally, the fellow whose idea it had been said, “How about we say the Lord’s Prayer, then? All of us should know it, I would think.”
Everyone agreed.
And then, together, the cluster of survivors balanced atop the overturned lifeboat began to pray, searching the sea for salvation that they feared might never come.
Later, after multiple rounds of prayer, light began to peek over the horizon. Shortly thereafter, there was precisely enough of it that James and the others were able to see the outlines of the other lifeboats. Up front, the officer blew his whistle. After a brief exchange with the occupants of some of the other boats, it seemed as though one or more of them might row over. Soon, they’d no longer be partially submerged in the freezing water.
James let out a small breath of relief as boats began to row to them.
