“We have no time for this,” the same officer said.
James looked up to see Mrs. Calbot being forced into the boat, her hands reaching out for her husband. Mr. Calbot’s face was contorted in pain, but he did not reach out for her in return.
“I love you, Ingrid,” he said, clasping his hands behind his back. “You can do this.”
“I can’t, I can’t,” Ingrid said through a sob.
James covered his mouth with his hand to stifle his own sorrowful cry and looked away. He forced himself to focus on the musical notes coming from the nearby string instruments rather than the scene happening next to him. Recognizing the song, he hummed along for a little while, only stopping when he heard the officers shout the order to lower the boat.
Once the boat was out of view, Cassian spoke.
“James, Jacob,” he said, “I intend to keep my promise to Ingrid. Somehow, the three of us must make it off this ship. Do either of you see another lifeboat we can try for? One without women and children nearby to board it?”
James and Mr. Calbot looked around. More and more people were pushing toward where the three of them stood, by the stern. All of them seemed lost and panicked. But, as far as James was able to see, there were no women or small children among them. Only men. And, perhaps, children who some might classify as men—boys older than eleven or twelve. And, for the moment, James wanted to consider them as such too. Because it meant that he still had a chance.
Peering between the people coming to congregate near the stern, James could see thatTitanic’s bow had become completely submerged. He continued to look along the edge of the ship’s port side as best as he could but spotted no more lifeboats there.
Then, James lifted his eyes to the roof of the officer’s quarters. For a brief second or two, he wondered what those things were that seemed to be balanced on top of it, the outlines of the objects only barely visible in the fast-fading electric lights, most of which now had an eerie orange glow about them.
His heart slammed into his rib cage as soon as the realization took root in his mind. He knew exactly what they were.
Titanic’s last remaining lifeboats.
***
April 15, 1912
2:07 a.m.
Suddenly, as James, Cassian, and Mr. Calbot started toward the remaining boats, a large swarm of screaming people seemingly came out of nowhere and began rushing past them, heading for the stern. Among them were women and children, though there were plenty of men, too. From where they had come, James hadn’t a clue, though by looking at their clothes, he wondered if they were third-class passengers, perhaps people who had been confused or awaiting instructions or even lost somewhere within the sinking ship.
James was shoved backward a little when a man clipped his shoulder as he rushed past. Dazed, James followed the man with his eyes and saw him meet up with a woman and a child of eight or nine. James’s throat closed as a swell of fear and heartache settled there, making it hard to swallow or even breathe.
He realized, then, that there was no possibility for these people to be saved. Not all of them. Not even most. Almost certainly the bulk of them, even the children, would soon perish in the icywaters below. Regardless of whether or not he opted to forgo a seat in the remaining two lifeboats.
Ahead of him, Cassian was continuing through the crowd, weaving and pushing as though he was swimming upstream, battling a current. When Cassian looked back, he caught James’s eye, and James found himself struck with a fervent need to be near the man he loved in what he knew might soon be their final moments.
But,oh, God, how he wished none of this were happening.
James started forward, too, squeezing in between the confused and frightened third-class passengers.
“Almost there,” Cassian said when James caught up with him. “Just when I think there cannot conceivably be any more people on this ship than those we’ve already seen, more appear. It’s as though they’ve been reproducing below decks over the course of an hour!”
Mr. Calbot chuckled. James let out a fast breath, his mouth curling into a small smile as the mass of fear and heartache released its hold on his throat. Oh, God, how perfect Cassian was.
ForyearsJames had been moving through life barely even living, feeling empty and purposeless as he frittered away the days in a haze of melancholy and grief. When he’d lost George, he’d lost not only his love of life, too, but his whole sense of self. And then he’d met Cassian and had found himself again. He’d remembered what it was like to love. And tolive.
Dammit, he loved Cassian. He loved him so fucking much.And now all he wanted was to live and to spend his life with the man he loved. Despite how horrible and self-interested it might be for him to survive while hundreds and hundreds of people perished, James realized that he had to fight for a spot on one of the remaining boats when he reached them.
Hell, he not only had to, he bloodywantedto. Morality be damned.
Below the officer’s quarters, nearer to the bow than the stern, James, Cassian, and Mr. Calbot moved past a crowd of thirty or forty other men, some of them crew members, who were circled around close to where the lifeboat was clearly meant to be lowered. Officers on the roof were struggling to free it.
Only seconds later, water began to wash over James’s feet, coming up from the bow behind him. He sucked in a sharp breath when he first registered the freezing cold temperature, which was unlike anything he’d ever felt before. Soon, his shoes were completely submerged.
“Here it comes,” Cassian said as the officers and men above began to push the boat over toward the roof’s edge. “James, Jacob,the momentthat that lifeboat touches the deck, wemustboard it. All of us. Fight people if you have to. It’s our last chance.”
James inhaled a shuddering breath. Terror and fear rattled in his chest on the exhale.
