“I only ever wanted to please you,” James confessed softly.
Huffing a warm, light laugh, Cassian tipped their foreheads together.
“You couldn’t not please me,” he said.
It took a moment for Cassian’s wonderful words to make sense in James’s brain. Once they did, his knees nearly buckled, so strongwas the swell of fondness and gratitude that washed over him. He made a sound in between a sob and a laugh, raising his hands to rest them on top of Cassian’s.
After a blissful moment of silence, he said, “Cassian, what are we?”
Cassian chuckled lightly in response.
“God only knows.” Cassian lifted his head, though he kept his hands on either side of James’s face and began to rub James’s cheeks with his thumbs. “At minimum, we are passengers here on theTitanic. And you, James Thomas Morrow, are the most outstanding steward that I’ve ever had. Most likely, you are the most remarkable steward in the White Star Line’s entire fleet.”
He stopped speaking but rubbed James’s cheeks some more. Each swipe of his thumbs sent little blips ofwantcoursing through James’s veins, making his heart flutter and stomach flip.
Cassian continued. “More than that, though, the two of us are friends. And, strangely enough, I am starting to think that you might be the first real friend I’ve ever had.”
Through unshed tears, James managed a smile, and Cassian smiled back.
“O-only friends?” James asked after a time, his smile faltering the slightest bit.
Cassian’s smile faltered, too.
“I’m engaged, James.” Cassian’s expression became sorrowful. “I cannot betray Ethel. Regardless of how... exciting we seem to find each other—which, on my part, is a truth I initially thought that I could keep to myself, but clearly I’ve revealed my hand here by caressing your pinchable cheeks like this. Still, I cannot change the fact that I have a fiancée or that I will be married in the fall. It’s not how these things work.”
Through a fierce twist of pain, James fought the urge to shut his eyes, though in that moment, he wanted nothing more than to hide.
“I know that must hurt to hear,” Cassian said. “And while some men might still seek pleasure elsewhere—outside their marriage—I can’t ever betray Ethel like that.”
James inhaled a trembling breath. Cassian pushed a hand through his hair, and James’s heart stuttered the moment he registered the care and regret andwantshimmering in Cassian’s beautiful browns. With a small, rueful smile, Cassian threaded his fingers through James’s hair a second time, and James’s knees went weak.
“Still, I have never found someone so intensely exciting as I find you, James.”
“Nor I you,” James managed to reply through his heartache.
Cassian tipped their foreheads together once again, and they stayed like that for a while, Cassian sweetly rubbing James’s face with his thumbs. Closing his eyes, James tried to internalize everything that they’d said to each other—mostly, everything that Cassian had said to him—and he tried to tell himself that everything was better this way. Because of who Cassian was. Because of who he himself was. Because of who they both were. Together and not.
“We should go,” James eventually forced himself to say.
“Yes, we should,” Cassian replied as they parted.
He took a moment to fix his suit while James smoothed out his hair.
“I’ll be having my meal in my room,” Cassian said shortly thereafter. “And then, I thought that I’d venture over to the First-Class Smoking Room for some brandy. Will you be working there tonight?”
James nodded.
“Good,” Cassian said. “After it closes, I was thinking that maybe you could show me some of thatexceptionalservice I crave.Come up with something fun for us to do together. Something that won’t make a mockery of my engagement. Can you do that for me?”
“Y-yes,” James stuttered. Hope and happiness fluttered in his chest. Even though he had no right to be happy. Or to hope. “I’d love to.”
Cassian’s lips curled into a playful smile. “I’m not an easy man to please, James. Remember?”
James huffed a laugh. “Yes, I remember.”
“Good man,” Cassian replied with a wink.
Cheeks burning, James turned to let them out of the potato room.
