The steward’s eyes went wide as he stared at the bills in his hand.
“Yes, sir. Not a problem, sir,” he spluttered.
Cassian faked a smile and nodded. He took hold of James’s sleeve. Tugging once, he started for the door, letting go after a few steps. James continued to follow.
James came up beside him once they stepped through the revolving doors and entered the Smoking Room. “Where are we going?”
“You tell me,” Cassian said, walking with fast, purposeful strides. “Where can we chat without people bothering us?”
“I’m not sure. Perhaps the lounge?”
“Perfect.”
The two men walked through the long corridor, passing the illustrious staircase and its overhead wrought iron and glass dome, and then they entered the First-Class Lounge, with its English oak woodwork and stained glass windows. Inside, they found a relatively small alcove and sat next to each other on a plush green-and-white velvet couch.
Cassian relaxed back against the cushion.
“Anyway, where were we?” he asked.
He honestly couldn’t remember. All he could think about was the Goddamned relief he felt now that he and James could keep talking. Alone. Uninterrupted.
James leaned forward, resting his forearms on his thighs, and began twiddling his thumbs, the same worry lines rippling across his forehead within seconds.
“You were talking about your engagement.”
Cassian’s heart sank.
“Right.”
He frowned, realizing that perhaps he shouldn’t have been so impulsive. It would have been better if he had let James keep working, if only so that the man might have eventually forgotten about his somber mood and the reason for it.
“Cassian?”
Cassian touched his fingers to his forehead. “I shouldn’t be sharing these things with you.”
After a pause, James bumped Cassian with his knee.
“You can, though.” His voice was a lovely mixture of warm and playful that made Cassian’s cheeks flush. “I promise I won’t think less of you for it.”
Cassian pursed his lips, considering the option. Hehadenjoyed conversing with James the previous evening. He’d liked it more than he would have ever thought possible. Still, it wasn’t normal to be so forthcoming with a man like this.
“Maybe I could help somehow,” James offered sweetly.
It pulled at Cassian’s heart. Oh, God, now he couldn’tnotshare more, could he? Not when James was looking at him like that, with such care and sincerity. Besides, he had interrupted the man’s shift. He’d foregone asecondmeal himself, too. He might as well try to get something out of this conversation, even if that something was only a bit of relief from having shared some personal information.
“Cassian, I swear, I won’t—”
“Fine, look, I left breakfast early because I behaved poorly. And I behaved poorly because, as I soeloquentlyhinted at last night in my inebriated state, Ethel seems to be miserable with me. But Istillcan’t work outwhythat might be. I’ve been holding onto the hope that this voyage might be lavish enough and special enough to lift her spirits, but so far, it hasn’t worked. Now I’m stuck with the final hope that our marriage itself will eventually help her feel more content on the whole. Once Ethel feels more secure financially, once she truly feels how well she’ll be taken care of, maybe those things will help her shake this melancholy. Melancholy thatI’mstarting to feel, too.” He sighed, and his chest began to ache. “But I have an ever-present worry—one I can’t seem to look past—that maybe whatever is broken between us, can’t be fixed.”
Cassian shut his eyes as soon as the words left his lips, and the ache in his chest intensified. His strangely intimate confession hovered in the air between him and James. It began taking up so much space in the lounge’s little nook that soon, Cassian found himself struggling to breathe, his throat tightening as the shame over his completely sober, completely improper show of vulnerability settled within him.
His eyes flitted over to the exit.
“Do you love her?” James asked.
Cassian stilled. James’s bizarre words echoed in his mind, and it took him a moment to really internalize what exactly James had asked. And it was so completely unexpected, so completelyridiculous, that he couldn’t help but splutter a laugh.
Smiling a little, James knocked Cassian’s foot with his.
