“Yes, that’s exactly what one of the physicians said to me, too. He thinks that my brain must be struggling to cope right now, is all.”
“See, you’ll be right as rain soon enough,” John said encouragingly.
James smiled up at him. “I hope so.”
Over the next few minutes, he had a couple of bites of soup while Ethel and John sat quietly.
“I can only imagine how tired Cassian must be of having to take care of me so much,” James remarked after a while. “Although, I imagine that he likes the closeness at least as much as I do. Everyone likes cuddling. Don’t they?”
As soon as the words left James’s lips, he realized the implication behind them, and his eyes blew wide. He fumbled the spoon, and it clattered against the porcelain brim of the bowl. Dread settled heavy in his stomach, and his head snapped up so that he could see Ethel’s and John’s reactions. Both of them looked stunned.
Cassian had hinted that they had become friends, maybe, but as far as James knew, Cassian hadn’t explicitly confessed to either of them the true nature of their relationship. Would they know now, though? Thanks to the thoughtless comment that he’d made?
“I-I shouldn’t have said that,” James blurted out before either John or Ethel could speak. He blew out a forceful breath and hoped that he could somehow take everything back. “Cassian hasn’t been taking care of me,” he lied. “He isn’t even nice to me. In fact, he’s horrible.” James winced. He couldn’t say that about sweet, selfish Cassian. “No. No, that’s a lie. Sorry. He’s not horrible. He’s wonderful.” He cringed even more. “No. Not that either. Of course he’s notwonderful,” he said with an uneasy, pained laugh, which transformed into a sigh. “I should stop, shouldn’t I?”
All of the beautiful, warm, euphoric numbness that James had been feeling earlier instantly became overshadowed by cold icy fear and scorching hot embarrassment. He began to sweat, his cheeks flushing even as a shudder rolled up his spine.
“Ah. Well,” Ethel fumbled as she and John looked at each other. “I’m sorry, James, but I’m not...” She paused and pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. “What I’m trying to say is that I’ve never encountered this sort of... friendship before, so I’m not certain how I should react.”
“Admittedly, I’m not so certain myself,” John said, both to Ethel and to James. And then, after looking back and forth between them a few times, he shifted to face Ethel more squarely and took her hands. “But I like Mr. Morrow.”
“You can call me James,” James interjected.
“I like James,” he amended. “And Cassian is—was—the best employer that I’ve ever had. He was kind. Harsh, with high expectations, but exceedingly kind overall, even without meaning to be, which I think is even kinder in some respects. And he saved our lives on the ship, Ethel. Didn’t he?”
Ethel nodded thoughtfully. “He did. And I like James, too.”
“So, where does that leave us, then?” John asked.
James squeezed his eyes closed and then reopened them. He must have been hallucinating. Were Ethel and John really having this conversation right in front of him?
Before James could ask if it was really happening, someone burst into the room. James startled at the sound and looked over. It was Cassian, holding a plate full of food. He froze the moment he saw the scene.
“John, Ethel,” he spluttered. “I looked everywhere for you. When did you—”
“Cassian, they know,” James said. “About us.”
Cassian hurried inside and shut the door.
“Jesus, James, keep your voice down,” he scolded.
James lowered his head. “Sorry. But I said something that I shouldn’t have. Something foolish. And I needed you to know as soon as possible. Because right before you came in here, I think our friends were in the middle of deciding whether or not they should report us to someone.”
“What?!” John blurted out, his eyes popping. “Goodness, no, we weren’t! Or, well, at least I wasn’t.”
“Neither was I!” Ethel said. “I was only wondering how best to react to the confirmation of your friendship with James. Not that I was wondering whether I should continue to be cordial with you over it or whether I ought to let others know your secret, but Iwaswondering whether continuing our friendship would be... wise, in certain respects.” She frowned. “I suppose that’s not much better, though.”
“I really would like to remain friends with Cassian myself,” John said. “And with James.”
Cassian’s mouth curled into a small half smile.
“Thank you, John.” He looked at Ethel. “And you, Ethel?”
Rolling her bottom lip between her teeth once more, Ethel began playing with her necklace. Her eyebrows knitted togetheras she thought it over. After thirty seconds or so, Cassian let out a huff and rolled his eyes. Obviously, the man was less than pleased with Ethel’s reaction so far, and, Cassian being Cassian, he was not afraid to show it. In truth, James felt less than pleased about it, too, in some respects. Not because he’d expected more from her, but because he hated being confronted with the reality of what most people thought about men like him.
Finally, after a bout of torturous silence, Ethel spoke.
“Yes, I’d like to remain friends as well. And I hope that you can forgive me for my slight hesitation, Cassian. Discovering that your friendship with James might have been one of the reasons, if not the main reason, that you supported me ending our engagement has been a shock.”
