Another nightmare.
“Sarah, you okay?”
“I’m fine.” She staggered to the bathroom. Washed her face. Buttressed her trembling body against the sink.
Shit.
She hated those damned dreams.
She was okay now.
She dried her face. Peed. Then washed her hands.
Pausing at the door, Sarah braced for facing Conner.
Talk about awkward. It was bad enough that he knew about her past. The nightmare would only reaffirm his concerns.
Damn.
Deep breath. Just do it.
She sauntered back into the room.
He sat on the side of the bed, the sheet tugged over his lap. “You sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah, yeah.” She climbed into bed and crawled under the covers. She didn’t want to talk about this with him. He’d already succeeded in making her feel completely vulnerable, completely unable to resist him.
“Are we going to talk about this?”
“Nope.”
No questions. She did not want any more questions.
He already knew too much.
“I was wrong before.” He leaned against the headboard, propped one muscled leg on the bed.
She closed her eyes. Refused to look at him. To be tempted. No matter what he said, the words would only be a lead-in to talking about her past.
“You do what you have to do to survive, and I had no right to question your tactics.”
Opening her eyes, she admitted defeat. She might as well get this over with. He wasn’t going to let it go until he knew the whole story. It would be in her best interests to play off his concerns.
“It’s not as bad as it sounds.” Okay, so that was a stretch. “I never really knew what was going on. I played in the butcher shop during the day. I wouldn’t have known the difference between animal blood and human blood.” It was all the other stuff. The body parts that scared her, but she wasn’t going into that. “I was usually in bed. When I heard the sounds, I hid. My mother told me to hide when I got scared and she would come find me. She always did.”
“Always?”
“Except that once.” Like in the nightmare she’d just had. “She was filling a sausage order and my dad was the main ingredient.”
Suffocating silence.
And finally, “So you got counseling? Like jerkwad said.”
Sarah sat up. She looked him straight in the eyes. “I did it all. Alcohol, sex, drugs, mostly prescription. Sex, cigarettes, more sex, morebooze.” She puffed out a blast of disgusted air. “And finally I decided that I shouldn’t punish myself for my mother’s mistakes. And yes.” She plopped back onto her pillow. “I’ve had several shrinks. This one seems to have stuck. Though I don’t know why. I never follow her advice. Otherwise I wouldn’t be here right now.”
He scooted down next to her. “That really sucks.”
“No kidding.” Why didn’t he just shut up?
