The thick night air is cool against my flushed skin now that I’m not surrounded by body heat, and silence falls around us like the curtain on closing night.
The front door closes, catching the corner of the welcome home sign, making it clatter against the frame, and the hand-drawn honeybee eases some of my fears.
“You came back,” I say, to break the ice. My voice sounds strange, as though it’s fighting through every painful memory for a glimpse of sunshine.
The sunshine is Valen. He’s always been my pot of gold at the end of a very long rainbow.
“I never should have left.” His voice is rough too. “Clover, I’m so sorry. I thought I was?—”
“Being a stubborn, self-sacrificing idiot?” I supply.
“Gentle,” Madi hisses from the side of the house.
A surprised laugh escapes Valen as he leans forward to find Madi and the rest of my chosen family hiding behind a bush just before a crack of thunder rumbles in the sky.
“Yes,” he says. “I was an asshole. I should have stopped to think things through. I should’ve done so many things differently. I just couldn’t see through all the pain I’d caused.”
I climb the first step. Then the second. I’m close enough now to see the exhaustion in his face and the redness around his eyes. I’m not the only one who’s been crying.
“You should have stayed,” I say.
He flinches. “Clover?—”
“You said you were giving me space to heal. Letting me decide if you’re someone I can have a future with.”
“And I meant every word.” His panicked gaze searches my face.
“I know you did. That’s what makes it so frustrating.” I shake my head. “Valen, I spent fourteen years building a life around the hope that someday, somehow, we’d find a way back to each other. Then, when we did—when you finally remembered me—you decided the best thing you could do for me was leave.”
“I killed your parents, Clover.” I’ve never heard someone sound more broken. “My hands?—”
“Were the hands of an eight-year-old boy who was manipulated by a monster.” I step closer. Close enough that I have to tilt my head back to see him clearly. “You didn’t kill my parents, Valen. Terra did. She used you as a weapon the same way she used everyone around her.”
“That doesn’t change what happened.”
“No. It doesn’t.” I press my forehead to his heart, feeling it thrashing wildly in his chest. “But it changes how we move forward. I’ve already grieved the loss of my parents, Valen. Don’t make me grieve the total destruction of us too.”
He rests his chin on top of my head, then wraps his strong arms around my body.
“I faced so many fears today,” I say. “Do you want to know why?”
He nods, the pressure of his chin moving the hair around my scalp.
Pulling back, I press my palms to his chest and stare into his eyes.
“Because the thought of losing you again was scarier than all my fears combined.”
“I’m so sorry, Clover.” He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “I saw the photo. The one of us as kids. It feels like that moment was carved into my bones.”
“That’s because it was.” I press my body closer to his until we’re sharing breath. “We’re carved into each other, Valen. We have been since we were children. And I’ve always known that we are inevitable in every way.”
“I’m not running anymore.” His free hand cups my face, his touch so gentle my skin breaks out in goosebumps. “Not from life, or the past. Not from my family, from love, and especially not from you. You’ve always been worth fighting for, Clover. And now I’ll show you that you’re worth staying for too.”
“It won’t be easy,” I warn him.
“I wouldn’t know what to do with easy. I love you, Clover.” He presses a gentle kiss to my forehead. “I’ve always loved you. I loved you when I didn’t remember your name, when I couldn’t picture your face, when the only thing I had was this ache in my chest that wouldn’t go away.”
“I love you too.” My voice is steadier than I feel. “I’ve loved you through fourteen years of silence. Through nightmares and panic attacks and walls I built so high I almost suffocated myself.”
