Why can’t they just give me the rules?
I miss you.
I miss you so much it hurts. I really hope you’re okay. I wish you’d come back for me like you promised.
Miriam said to write and you’ll respond when it’s safe. So, I will. Every day, if that’s what it takes. She promised me you’d get my letters. I miss her too. I’ve never felt so alone. Not even when Terra kept me in the dark room.
But you promised I’m never alone. Not anymore. So, I’m going to tell you about my life. About every day. That way, when we see each other again, you won’t have missed anything.
So here’s the first update to my temporary life.
I went to a new school today. A real one, like you told me about. It’s big. Bigger than anything at ROS. There are so many kids too. I had to take a bunch of tests, and now all the kids in my classes are two years older than me. It makes me feel like you’re kind of with me though. And none of them know about Terra or ROS or any of it. Tothem, I’m just Clover the new girl. Not Clover Styx. Just Clover.
I wish I knew who Just Clover was…but I’ll figure it out. Right?
I hope you’re safe.
I love you,
Clover
After two hours, my eyes are blurry, hot, and painful. My stomach waffles from suffocating sadness to laughing cramps, right back to an excruciating hollowness that leaves me completely empty.
We were so young, and while her world was falling apart, she was worried about me. Writing to me. Trying to be brave—for me.
While I was in a hospital bed, unable to remember her name.
“Fuck.” I exhale years of pain.
“Valen?” I forgot that Chief has been sitting in the corner, watching over me and Clover this entire time. “You okay, son?”
“No,” I admit, then pick up the next letter, and the next. “I’m not okay.”
But I keep reading.
Because I owe her this. I owe her every word.
The guilt hit me at the compound—the guilt I couldn’t hide from her—but it’s nothing compared to this. Every letter twists the knife deeper. She wrote about nightmares I could’ve soothed. Panic attacks I could’ve talked her through. Birthdays she spent alone, wishing I was there.
And where was I?
Building a security empire. Living a life while she was barely surviving hers.
Our shared pain stayed unmoving behind the blank spaces in my memory. And now, I’m reading fourteen years of proof that the girl I forgot has never stopped believing in me. Never stopped waiting. And the weight of her faith is crushing.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
VALEN
I’m six letters into year four when the front door slams open and chaos enters, bringing with it an early morning chill.
Grant, Sterling, and Chase all try to fit through the doorway at once, which results in Chase being shoved face-first into the doorframe while Sterling and Grant muscle past him.
“Where is she?” Grant demands, his usual corporate polish completely gone. He’s in jeans and a wrinkled V-neck sweater, his hair is disheveled, and his eyes are rimmed red as though he drove straight through the night without stopping. “Where’s Clover?”
“Sleeping,” I say, standing. “So keep your damn voices?—”
But it’s too late. One look into the bedroom confirms that Clover has bolted out of bed, on edge, with fear in her expression as she stands with Wrecks nudging her side.
