‘No need to speak,’ he said.
She sipped the coffee and Addison opened the terrace doors to let in some fresh air. She turned away from the bright light.
‘You knew?’ she eventually managed to say.
‘No, but I saw the announcement in the newspaper. I was going to come and find you today. I wasn’t sure if you knew.’
She shook her head.
‘He didn’t tell you?’
‘Not a word.’
‘It’s a bad business. My nephew is a good man, and I’ve always loved him, but I’m afraid he can be something of a moral coward. Mark my words, this will be his damn mother’s doing.’
‘How so?’
‘Already overspending, she then lost heavily in the Wall Street Crash. Needs Bobby to marry well to restore the family fortunes.’
‘And he always does what she wants?’ she muttered bitterly.
He shrugged.
‘Are you affected by the crash too?’
He shook his head. ‘Not me.’
She leant her head against the back of the sofa and felt as if she were falling into a deep hole. Despite the daylight her mind was thick with dark thoughts.
‘Sit up,’ he said. ‘I don’t want you to pass out.’
‘I’ve left my job and my house. I don’t know where to go.’
‘You can stay here as long as you want.’
‘What about Bobby and this woman? What if they come?’
‘I’ve already written and told Bobby that he’s to stayaway. Anyway, I have another idea that might interest you. We can talk about it when you’re feeling a bit stronger. Do you think a spot of lunch later might help?’
She pulled a face.
‘Well let’s see. Just knock on my door if you need anything.’
‘Thank you.’
He nodded slowly. ‘You’re a good girl, Riva. As I said, this is a bad business. You deserve better.’
Settling into a chair after he’d gone, she felt too numb to cry any more. She wanted their baby. She wanted Bobby. She wanted anything but being alone like this, she needed him to hold her and yet, if he tried right now, she’d probably kill him. Her thoughts roamed endlessly, snagged, roamed again, as she tried to figure out if she’d made a mistake without knowing it. How had it ended like this? Without her even realising it was coming. Should she have tried to control her temper? Had she missed the clues? Not guessed how much the crash would have affected him or his mother. He’d spoken of his mother’s growing money worries, but it had never sounded serious, and she hadn’t probed. Hadn’t wanted to know. Perhaps if she’d asked him about it. And yet, although she tried to find ways to blame herself, it came to nothing. Bobby was marrying a rich girl because his mother needed him to. Perhaps this is what would have happened all along. Crash or no crash. He had never introduced her to his mother. Not once. That should have told her all she needed to know.
And in this place of endless silence another doubt tookhold, making her feel hot and panicky. What if Bobby actually loved this American girl? What if he’d never seriously been in love with Riva? She cried again, keening with a depth of sorrow she had never experienced before.
Consumed by memories of him she mourned the loss of their time together and the loss of their child. The days passed. Somehow. And then the weeks. Three of them. The longest and loneliest three weeks of her life. She thought about her parents, even worried about them, wondering what had happened after she left Paris. She felt sad about it all now, the way she’d left. But the truth was she felt sad about everything now. The narrative of her life had seemed so certain after she’d met Bobby. It had felt significant with a shape to it she understood. Now there was only turbulence and uncertainty.
Gradually anger took over from sorrow. She stormed around the apartment, thumped cushions, glared at her own reflection. How dare he dismiss her like this, set her aside, like an old unwanted pair of shoes? Well, she’d show him. She’d show them all. But inside the anger, a little voice was whispering. What on earth are you going to do now?
I don’t know. I just don’t know.
CHAPTER 33
