He looked disappointed but he nodded. ‘Of course.’
‘I’m hoping to pick up some final copies of my photographs from the printers while I’m in Delhi.’
‘Some are already on their way here, I believe, but you can always check while you’re there. I have a few of the earlier plates here too. I’ll help with your arrangements, and let me take care of the cost of a first class berth on theViceroy of India. It’s the fastest ship. Just get yourself to Delhi pronto. Your tickets will be delivered to the hotel and from there you’ll take the train.’ He paused. ‘You know the Imperial?’
‘I do, though I’ve never stayed there.’
‘Your bill will be taken care of. All you need to do is wait for the tickets to arrive. Should only take a few days. I’ll wire the shipping company.’
‘I really can’t accept all that.’
‘I insist, and when you come back I’m sure Julian Hopkins and Dottie will invite you to stay with them until the wedding. Do you have any idea how long you’ll need to be in England?’
‘As long as it takes, I suppose.’
‘I have something for you,’ he said, and opened a drawer in the mahogany desk opposite the door. He took out a small velvet-covered box and came over to Eliza. ‘I hope it fits.’
She opened the lid and took out a gold ring studded with diamonds and rubies.
‘It was my mother’s. Do you like it?’
She nodded as she allowed him to slip it on to her finger, and ignored the tears pricking the back of her eyelids.
‘I’ll organize an announcement inThe Times,’ he said. ‘There isn’t a car available for a few days. Will the train do?’
She nodded again, and he didn’t seem to notice that all she really wanted to do was curl up and die.
28
May
Clifford was a decent enough man, if a little lacking in sensitivity – he hadn’t even noticed the despair that had crossed her face when she’d agreed to marry him. Or perhaps he had noticed but hadn’t wanted to acknowledge it. He was a man content with his own view of the world, defined by his rigid stance on all things India. Eliza resolved to find a way to manage, but what if every time he touched her she would die a little death? She made an attempt to console herself, as if she could somehow force herself out of her true feelings. If it wasn’t too late they’d have children: she could be a mother and give her children a comfortable life. That had to be worth something. And she’d carry on with her photography too.
But her soul cried out for the passion and joy she’d experienced with Jay. It was like being given a glimpse of paradise from an open prison door only to find the door slammed shut again. Maybe the euphoria wouldn’t have lasted, but now she’d never know. As she packed the belongings she’d need for England it was with a tight, hard feeling in her chest. She wished she could pack away the memory of his hands on her flesh, his lips on her mouth, his voice and the way it made her stomach flip. It was impossible. She would never be able to parcel away her feelings. Nor would she ever forget the trace of sandalwood and limes. Nor the sight of his amber eyes. What a naïve fool she’d been to think there ever could have been a future with Jay.
She comforted herself with the knowledge that she hadn’t let Laxmi down and that at least Jay would be free to finish his project. As she was thinking that, she heard a gentle knock at the door and Laxmi came in, her long scarf flowing loosely about her. It was only the second time she’d come to Eliza’s rooms.
She held out her hands to Eliza. ‘I will always be in your debt for what you have done today.’
Eliza swallowed the lump in her throat and gave Laxmi a little nod but, fearing to express even a little of her terrible inner loneliness, didn’t go to her and simply gazed at the floor.
‘I do know how hard it must have been for you,’ Laxmi added.
Eliza looked up. ‘You have no idea.’
‘I think I do. You have done a deeply unselfish thing. You have freed my son and nobody else could have done.’
‘I had no choice.’
‘Maybe. But not all would have done it. You have shown your true worth as a woman. Had things been different I would have been proud to call you my daughter-in-law. My daughter.’
Eliza’s tears welled up and sadness made her voice break as she tried to reply.
‘Sometimes life leaves us with impossible decisions. I know you care deeply for my son and he for you,’ Laxmi continued, ‘but I hope you understand I have a duty as a mother.’
‘Thank you for all your support while I’ve been here,’ Eliza said, her throat still choked. She admired Laxmi so much, and yet she had been the one standing between herself and Jay.
‘I’m so sorry it couldn’t have ended on a happier note for you.’
