She twisted her mouth, unable to comprehend the meaning of his light sarcasm, then swallowed hard and met his gaze. There had been a time when she would have laid down her life for a glimpse of those black-lashed amber eyes; now it was all she could do not to shrink back.
‘Eliza, why did you stay away? I had to hear where you were from my sister-in-law.’
‘Priya told you?’
‘She never misses a chance to assert her superiority, or to show she has access to private information. But Eliza, I tried to contact you.’
‘I am sorry.’
‘Never mindsorry. Tell me why.’
She sighed deeply and wished she could tell him about her deal with Clifford. Longed to say I did it because I love you. I did it for you.
It was still far too hot and she wiped the sweat from her brow. ‘I am marrying Clifford in October,’ she said, but she couldn’t bear to look at Jay as she spoke.
He took a few steps towards her and she smelt the sandalwood on his skin. It was unbearably evocative, but when he answered it was with an edge of anger. ‘Is that all I meant to you, all we meant to one another? Damn it, Eliza, how could you?’
Eliza hated to waste these precious moments with him, yet, remaining silent and in torment, she became aware she was doing exactly that.
‘Very well,’ he said. ‘I will be back tomorrow and when I am back I will arrange for your return to your fiancé.’
He almost hurled the words at her.
‘In the meantime there is a handmaiden to help you.’ And with that he left.
Eliza lay back on the bed and realized that the roof of the tent right above her bed was patterned with silver stars. She rolled on to her tummy and allowed the tears to fall. What was the matter with her? She had come this far because she loved him and now all she had done was turn him away. But the truth was that unless she actually broke off her engagement to Clifford she was not a free woman and, though not one to be bound by convention, she could not be so reckless or unfeeling. But what if Jay had gone for good? The idea of that brought on fresh tears.
She tried to tell herself she was fortunate to have known him; he had been in her life, however briefly, and she would find a way to treasure that by keeping the memory of him locked safely away. So what if they could never be together – she had known love and many had not; and yet when she thought about it, how well had she known him? How much was really him and how much was who she thought he was? Maybe it didn’t matter. For, as long as she could recall his deep smoky voice, she would always have some part of him. He was the only man she had loved, apart from her father, and she could still feel her love for David Fraser no matter what he had done. She would never forget Jay’s wild imperfect love, nor her galloping heart when he was near. She would never speak of it, never defend herself, and she’d learn how to live without him.
When the handmaiden came in, Eliza saw at once that it was Kiri.
‘Madam.’ The woman gave the usual palms-together greeting.
‘Kiri, I am so happy to see you,’ she said and stifled her distress.
Kiri came across and knelt on the floor beside the bed. ‘Give me your hands, memsahib.’
‘Oh, please don’t call me that.’
‘What should I say?’
‘Eliza?’
The woman gave her a wry smile. ‘I cannot. Will madam do?’
Eliza smiled despite herself. ‘That will do nicely.’
‘Let me bathe you and wash your hair. It will make you feel better.’
‘Where?’
Kiri rose and pointed to one of the lengths of curtain that enveloped the room. ‘We are having a bathroom. Come.’ Eliza followed Kiri into a spacious bathroom with a polished metal tub, an earthen toilet and a carpeted floor. On a small table a heap of fluffy cushions lay ready, along with some towels.
‘We will make you beautiful.’
‘I am not sure that will help me now, but I’m feeling exhausted and maybe a bath will help.’
‘Madam, it has been terrible at the castle since you are gone. He has been, how do you say, a bear with two heads.’
