With a huff, I close the door and then turn back to Alessio, confused.
“What’s going on?” I ask him, voice low.
Alessio is searching the cabinets high and low, like a mad man.
“There has to be something here, there has to be,” he mumbles, over and over again.
I watch as he tosses several things to the side in the cabinet, pulling things out, looking at them, swearing to himself and then shoving them back in.
Finally, he opens the fridge and growls under his breath.
“There has to be something, I need something…”
I realize what he means.
“There’s no alcohol here,” I assure him, though this only seems to agitate him more.
“I need it,” he tells me, his hands shaking, his eyes wild. “I need…something.”
I shake my head. “You’re not going to find anything here, Alessio.”
He steps closer to me. “Then go get me something,” he orders me. “Just…anything, I don’t care. Mouthwash, for fucks sake!” Alessio hisses.
“What is going on?” I ask him.
He shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it. Don’t…think about it. I can’t think about it.” He puts a hand up and closes his eyes for a moment and then his eyes shoot open like he can’t stand to have them closed.
I step closer to him. “You’re not going to find anything here,” I repeat. “This place is for safety, not for partying, Alessio. Whatever’s going on, you need to handle it before you draw attention to us.”
“You’re going to draw attention to us!” He growls out at me. “Just…stop! Stop it!”
I take a breath and put a hand on my forehead for a moment. “You’re being reckless, Alessio,” I tell him.
He stops and glares at me. “Shut up.”
“No.” I plant my feet the ground. Prepared for him to come at me in his anger, in his…pain. I can see it in his eyes. The pain there. Hot and irritated.
Broken.
I don’t know why, but I know that whatever he is dealing with, he needs an outlet for it.
“You were reckless at the rehearsal too. Getting high beforehand, drinking while on…whatever drugs you were taking. Now you’re looking for something to take the edge off. Well there isn’t anything. Except your damn cigarettes. But that’s not enough, is it? You’ve gotten yourself in trouble, haven’t you?” My voice is rough but calm, and that seems to upset Alessio, who can’t keep his voice from wavering.
“You don’t know me,” he tells me with his eyes glistening.
I step closer to him. “I could,” I tell him. “I could know you.”
I shouldn’t be doing this, but I can’t stop getting closer to him. I can’t stop myself from wanting to be closer to him.
“I don’t even know if I can trust you,” he spits out at me.
I laugh softly in disbelief. “After I saved your life?” I ask him. “You really think I’d do anything to hurt you?”
“Oh God,” Alessio puts his hands on his head and tears start to stream down his face with all of his frustration. “This. This is hurting me,” he tells me.
“What?” I ask him, trying to understand. “Tell me.”
“This,” he motions between us. “Whatever is going on between us. This…tension, this—gah! All I can think about is you…and…then my father. My father would hate me. He would hate me for it.”
