“Don’t take drugs unless you want me to question you,” I retort. “You can do whatever you want when you’re at home, but in public? What if something were to happen right now and you needed to defend yourself? You really think you’re in fightin’ shape?” I ask him.
Alessio’s jaw clenches and he looks away from me. “I can handle myself.”
“Oh, I’m sure. When you’re sober. I don’t trust you right now.” I watch his twitchy hands and the way he shifts side to side.
“You don’t understand,” he insists. Alessio shakes his head and looks out into the dimly lit trees. I watch the light aboveour heads cast shadows along his long hair and sharp face. Something about him is equally feminine as it is masculine. He’s tall, his shoulders broad, but his body is lithe and his lips plump. His cheeks look like they’d be soft.
I need to stop.
I look away from him and take a slow breath. “It’s time to go back inside.”
“I’ll go back inside when I want to,” he objects.
I roll my eyes and look back at Alessio with irritation, but the sadness in his eyes now causes me to pause.
I have no idea what time it is now. Nor what people are doing inside. If Rosalie is truly safe in there… and for some reason it doesn’t bother me as much as it normally would.
“Tell me,” I insist, “What I don’t understand.”
Alessio looks at the ground and tucks his hands into the pockets of his slacks.
“My life isn’t supposed to look like this,” he tells me. “Marrying a woman I barely know.”
I just listen. Watch the way his brow furrows and his shoulders slump down.
“Marrying a woman at all. I don’t know if you’ve caught onto it, but I’m not exactly interested in them. It has nothing to do with Rosalie. I’ve never been…attracted to women. My family suspects. Hell, Carmine knows. Yet, he agreed to this. Pushed me into it without a choice.”
My hands curl into fists, but I remain silent. Though my throat feels tight.
Alessio sighs. “How long will it last? How long will I have to pretend that I love Rosalie? My whole life? That’s not exactly a small thing to ask of someone. Oh, Alessio, just marry this woman and forget about any chance of being with someone you really love,” he scoffs as he speaks.
Despite his words being slower, I don’t get the feeling that they’re false in any way. They seem real. He’s venting to me right now, letting it all out, and it only makes me feel… angry. Angry for him.
I know I shouldn’t. This is how these things go for these families. When you’re part of a crime family, you shouldn’t expect anything to be normal. Any chance.
I should tell him this, remind him, but I don’t. I don’t hammer another nail into the coffin that is his life.
“You could get away from it all,” I say instead. It’s a bad idea. A very bad idea. Especially to say such a thing to a man who is high and struggling with the thought of living his life like this? Wrong. Very wrong.
It doesn’t stop me.
“I can’t,” Alessio says with a shake of his head. “I’d be running for the rest of my life. Carmine would never give up on finding me.”
“Would that be better or worse than being with Rosalie for the rest of your life?” I ask him quietly.
He sighs. “I don’t know. It’s already done though, Damian. I’m already married to her. I’ve already signed the contracts,” he reminds me this time.
I look away from him and ignore the ache in my chest. I ignore the urge to reach out to him. Touch him.
“This marriage is a cage,” Alessio tells me. “But… My life was already one. I knew this could happen. I knew what being a Dresvanni meant. Sacrificing for the good of the family. It’s my fault I didn’t expect it so soon.”
When I look at Alessio again, his eyes are glistening with tears. I swallow thickly and reach my hand to him slowly. I brush my fingers along his, feeling how cold his fingers are.
“You’re freezing,” I whisper.
He looks down at our hands and slowly brushes his fingers against mine. Closer. Firmer.
“You’re so warm. How is that?” he asks with a weak chuckle.
