“I don’t have a death wish, Asher. I’m not stupid,” I snap and he cocks his head, raising his eyebrows like he wasn’t expecting my tone. “You can stop looking at me like that, I said what I said.”
“I’m just surprised you say it like that, that’s all.” Asher shrugs, putting the boxes down and a hand on his hip. “You’ve been quite content to run yourself into the ground.”
I stand up straighter despite the screaming in my muscles. “I’ve done what I had to do. What we had to do. It’s all we’ve fucking done. Working to support those we care about since we were fifteen fucking years old, and look at all you have to show for it,” I snap, throwing my hands around the shop. “I have nothing,nothingto show for all my work. A family that only wants me around when it comes time to pay the bills.”
“Hey, I’m your family, too.”
“You know what I mean,” I say with a heavy sigh and move over to the desk that’s empty, sitting down in the rolling chair.
“I get it, Ty. I do. But you’re just wandering. What do youwant?” he asks, and I know this conversation needs to happen, I just don’t think it needs to happen when I feel like I’ve been run over by a freight truck.
You should see the other guy,I internally smirk and my chest puffs up a little bit before I shake my head and focus back on the question at hand.
“I don’t know, Ashe. I really don’t,” I say, my voice rough and frustrated because I know what he’s trying to say.
He’s worried. He sees me working my ass off—like he did—and doesn’t want that for me. He knows I’m mad at my family, almost at the point of cutting them all off, but I still send every spare cent I have their way.
“I want you to work here with me.Ashesis just as much my place as it is yours. But what I want more than that is for you to find what you want. What will make you happy. Your fire has gone out, man.”
I want to snap at him. Get pissed off that he’s saying this shit when heknowswhy I’m like this. I want him to leave me the fuck alone about how ‘lost’ I am. Doesn’t he think I know that already? Like this life is what Iwant, barely making it and always fucking exhausted?
While it’s notnotwhat I want, I wish I had the freedom to be a regular twenty-one year old. Go out, live in an apartment I can actually afford to help out with rent with, not be the one my entire family relies on to provide.
“I already said I wanted to work here. I’ve never had a real ‘dream job’ in mind, Asher. It’s not like you, discovering exactly what you wanted at fifteen. I just… I’ve just been figuring it out day by day.”
“I know,” he says gently, coming to stand in front of me and putting a hand on my shoulder. “I also know it’s been six years of ‘what-ifs’ for you.” He looks down at my wrist, and I shrug.
“What of it?”
“Do you think it’s time to move on maybe? She didn’t email you back, she got a new phone number… Maybe it’s time to let the chapter close and move forward.”
Almost unconsciously, my fingers trace the leather softly.
I know he means well.
I try to keep that thought in the forefront of my mind before I storm out.
I take a deep breath in through my nose and purse my lips in frustration.Cool your fucking jets, Ty. Do not wail on your buddy because he’s looking out for you.
Hackles raised, I shrug.
“I have moved on. I knew…Roxie,” it hurts to say her name out loud, “like six years ago for a few months. It’s fine.”
“If it’s fine then why do you still wear it?” he points out, crossing his arms over his chest.
“What the fuck is this? An intervention? Where are your customers, you obviously have too much time on your hands.” I push out of the chair angrily. He knows better than to push me about Roxie.
After she left…
Well, I waited for a few moments, hoping she’d come back and then I saw her being escorted outside and I tried to run after her. I don’t know what I was going to do, I’ve thought about it for years. I still don’t know if I was going to try to drag her back, kiss her again, ask them to keep her here, I don’t know. I still don’t and I’ve thought about it daily, weekly, monthly.
I just knew that I had to go, I had to try, but Asher pulled me back. He held me by the chest and I tried to fight against him, but the fucker’s always been strong.
I bet I could take him now though.
I remember yelling out her name, and seeing her long dark hair float through the air as she turned to look at me… She knew. She knew they weren’t going to let her go, and she did her best to protect me from it. There was a sad, devastated smile on her face, one that said goodbye, and it only made me push against Asher harder.
“If you do anything, they could figure out that you’re out on your own. That Hunter and I are too. We could all be taken and put into the system and you’d be forced to go back to your mom,” Asher said in my ear, pushing the reasons why I shouldn’t get involved to the forefront of my mind. Roxie looked back as she approached a car, pulling her very full backpack over her shoulder again.
