“Refreshing. It tastes like flowers and cherries. Do you want a taste?”
“No thanks. Do you want some of this?”
“Nope. It’s a little too much even for me.”
We’ve found a bench under the shade of a cherry blossom tree. It’s late summer and the blossoms have long since faded. But in spring, I can imagine this as being one of the most magical places to view the cherry blossoms. Especially with the Sumida River directly across from us.
“It’s so peaceful here. I kind of wish I had my sketchbook. I’d love to have a go at capturing some of the landscapes.”
“I didn’t know you like to draw,” Art says.
“I’m not too good at it, but it’s something that relaxes me. I picked it up in sixth form. I spent a lot of time alone. There are only a few people who know this about me, but I was bullied in school.” He’s shared a lot about himself with me, and now I feel like it’s my turn to reciprocate and let him get to know the real me.
“I was always the shy tomboy, and for the most part, the girls in my year just left me alone—which I didn’t mind. I had my horses and books to keep me company. But everything got turned upside down the summer I turned fifteen, when the newspapers started calling me the Ice Princess. That whole summer, the media plagued me. And when school started up again in the fall, it got worse. The girls used it as a way to make my life miserable. They’d call me names, act like I didn’t exist, or gossip about me nonstop. It felt like I was a ghost—the few friends I had kept away in case they were targeted.”
Art listens attentively.
“I was so lonely. My self-esteem and self-confidence were shattered. When we graduated, I hoped the bullying would end, but unfortunately, that was only the beginning. First, some of my former classmates ended up selling embarrassing stories about me to the tabloids. Then, as if that weren’t bad enough, I had my riding accident and disappeared from public view while I healed. It was like a ticking time bomb.” I share about how difficult it was when the tabloids ran wild with stories about me until the press office finally broke the news about my injury.
Art reaches for my hand and draws a few circles over the top of it.
“By this point, I was mentally and emotionally on the verge of hitting a breaking point. I’m lucky my family andrealfriends were there to help me through it all. Without them, I don’t know what I would’ve done.” I look out at some of the ships passing by slowly in the distance. “It’s been more than a year. Talking to a therapist, taking a gap year, and traveling have helped me recenter myself. I’m only now beginning to feel like the old me.”
“I’m so sorry that you ever had to go through being bullied and dealing with the media. Nobody deserves any of that crap. I wish I’d been here sooner to help and support you through all of it.” His voice comes out raspy and raw. “I have so much respect for you. I don’t know any other person, myself included, who would’ve been able to put on a brave face and continue making public appearances again after an experience like that. I can only imagine how much effort it’s taken for you to come on this trip.” Art collects our rubbish and places it off to the side. “Come here.” He pats the bench.
I scoot in closer to him. He opens his arms and wraps me in them asI rest my head on his shoulder. I listen to his beating heart. It’s steady and strong, like a metronome.
“Coming here was difficult for me, but I’m glad I had the strength to do it.”
“I’m so proud of you, Ali. But I want you to remember that you always have a choice. If public engagements make you miserable, don’t be afraid to tell your parents no. You don’t owe anyone anything. Youdeserveonly happiness.”
I want to melt into his arms and sit with him stroking my forearm forever. There are so few people who’ve ever asked me what I want. Decisions about my life have always been made on my behalf or in my best interest. To hear him throw all that to the wayside makes me even more eager to grow whatever is starting between us. He cares about me as a person. Not as the princess.
“When I was traveling, I felt so alive and happy just being Alice. Nobody paid me any attention. I was able to have a slice of being normal.” I sigh. “The thing is, though, even if I wanted to, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to live a quiet life. I’m planning to go into structural engineering, but I also can’t sit idle if there are people out there who I can help.” I burrow tighter into Art’s warm body, taking in the scent of his light lemony cologne.
“I’ve been kicking around a football inside my head since my date with Alfie. There are so many people affected by bullying. Maybe they feel powerless, they’re too afraid to speak up, or they lack the resources to do so. They need an advocate like me to become their voice. If I can help even one person, it’s a huge win, and it’ll make being in the public eye worth it.”
As I speak my thoughts aloud, it’s clearer than it’s ever been that Iwanttofind a way to strike a balance between my duties as a royal and as an engineer. This cause is close to my heart. Unlike other charities I’ve supported, putting an end to bullying drives me. I have so many ideas for future programs.
Art plants a soft kiss atop my head. “Listen to your heart. It’ll guide you to the path you need to be on.”
“You’re not going to tell me to listen to my head?”
“No, because if I do, I’d be lying to you. And that’s not something Ido. My own brain is telling me not to get involved with you, but my heart is shouting from the mountaintops to overrule it. I’m choosing to listen to my heart.”
We’re starting a very dangerous game. Art knows what we’re doing has crossed the line. I hope he really is prepared for the consequences. He has much more to lose than me. I’m going to do everything in my power to ensure that we keep this as quiet as possible. That way if it doesn’t work out, Art won’t suffer because of me.
“We’re a lot more alike than you think. I was painfully shy growing up. It’s tied to my social anxiety. I rarely spoke to anyone outside my family. The doctors diagnosed me with selective mutism.” He continues to stroke my arm. “I understand exactly what it’s like to be ostracized and alone. That was me. I spent more time in the library with books because I couldn’t handle being around people.”
“How did you learn to overcome it?”
“I had a therapist who taught my parents to use a technique called exposure therapy.”
“That sounds like you were made to go out and talk to people to try and get over your fear.”
“That’sexactlywhat it is. It’s like having a child who’s afraid there are monsters under their bed. They can look for the monsters, but they won’t ever find anything there. It’s all in their head. That’s how it is with me. My brain is wired to think things are a lot worse or scarier than they are.”
Goosebumps appear on my arm. That sounds like me and public speaking. “It’s never something you truly get over, is it?”
