Art’s eyes linger on me. They’re overly large, and in this lighting, the color of a warm butterscotch. My sundae is melting faster the longer we’re seated next to one another. I hope we’re almost at our destination. “There’s something else on your mind—you can tell me anything, you know. Whatever you say to me is confidential.”
“That’s what Bruce used to say.” He’s beginning to be able to read me with scary accuracy. It’s been a long four days, and even after having a Red Bull, my brain is still mentally exhausted. I lower my shields and open myself up to him. “I know I shouldn’t be comparing myself to Kaori, but when I’m standing next to her, it’s hard not to. She knows exactly what she wants to do, and the path she needs to follow to get there. Me? I have no clue what I’m doing. I feel like an imposter. I’m registered for the structural engineering course atImperial because that’s what I’m interested in. But I’m not too sure what I’ll do with it.
“Then there’s all this royal stuff to consider.” I take a deep breath. “Everyone expects me to start taking on more responsibility now that I’m an adult. While I’m at uni, it’s fine. My schedule is light. But what happens after? I don’t know if I want to give up on my dream of becoming an engineer. IthinkI might want to live a quiet life. I loved being an anonymous person during my gap-year travels. Ihatethe spotlight; speaking in public makes me queasy. That’s why I come off as being so cold.”
For the first time ever, I’ve said what I’ve always felt aloud and shared it with another person. It’s no longer this deep, dark secret I have to hold back and pretend doesn’t exist. With Art, I’m free to be me. Plain old Alice. He sees me. Not just a girl with a title. I lick my lips.
Being so exhausted and near Art in a tux is testing me in every possible way. I’m trying hard to keep a tight grip on the emotions that are swelling inside of me. It’s like there’s a seed that’s been planted that’s yearning to break free of the soil to reach the sun.
Art stays quiet for a second. “I know you hate the limelight. I see it every time someone points a camera at you—your eyes have this tiny bit of panic in them that you try to hide.”
I manage a nod. He knows me. Even my brother and Jenna haven’t ever noticed. They think my time with my therapist has helped me conquer all my fears. But it hasn’t. At least not completely. I’m dying to let him know exactly how much his little observations mean to me.
“When it comes to your future, I don’t think you should worry too much. You haven’t even started uni yet. Everything will fall into place when the timing is right,” Art says.
I suppress a wince. I don’t want to appear young to him. I want to appear mature—a woman worth dating. Not a first-year student.
“Look at me. I’ve changed my mind about what I wanted to do a number of times. I jumped from wanting to attend culinary school to being a physio. And I didn’t end up doing either of those things. I became a police officer instead.”
My eyes widen. I never knew he’d considered culinary school. “What stopped you from becoming a baker?”
“Fear.” Art stares out the window and takes a moment before continuing. “Ilovebaking. It’s the way I relieve stress. It’s something I did growing up with my mum and my nan. I was afraid that if I chose to bake professionally, I’d lose my passion for it, and that’s a risk I wasn’t willing to take. So I held back and decided to follow a different path.”
My lips twitch as I picture the normally perfectly turned-out Art standing in a kitchen with his mother, coated in a light dusting of flour. He wears an apron over the tux. His jacket has been removed, and the sleeves are rolled up to his elbow. I picture discarded bowls and measuring utensils spread out over every square inch of space as he rolls out a dough, the muscles in his arms rippling from the effort. My pulse increases. I chew on my lip. I. Must. Keep. Myself. In. Check.
“Do you think you made the right move?” I ask.
“For where I am right now in life, yeah, I think I did. For the most part, I’m pretty happy. I know if something changes, I can always go back and change careers.” He clears his throat. “For what it’s worth, I think you’reexactlywhere you need to be right now too. Have you thought about having a proper chat with your parents on your thoughts about being a working royal?”
“No. I’ve been too afraid to.” My voice is shaky. I try picturing my parents. Try thinking about anyone other than Art right now.
“Well, when you get home, I think it’s a conversation you should make a top priority.”
“My father is going to disown me.” For a moment it works. I imagine the scowling face of my papa.
“Ali, I’ve seen you interact with your father. You two are close and he loves you. If you decide to just be Alice Wales, I think your father will still love and respect you. Ihighlydoubt he’d ever disown you. I think that right now, everything seems ten times worse because you’re exhausted. After a good night’s sleep, things will seem better. I promise.”
All thoughts of my father disappear as Art starts to reach for my hand, but stops himself, setting it on his knee instead. I inhale deeply. He’s playing with fire. Is he feeling the same intense spark that I am? My fingers itch, longing to touch his hand. “You know exactlywhat I need to hear.”
“I’m always here if you need me, Alice.”
Hearing my name on his lips sends a wave of pleasure through my body. I stare at them again. They’re so full and the perfect shade of pink. I watch as he blinks slowly. My breath quickens, and suddenly, the urge is so unbearable, I can no longer fight it.
The car has stopped. I unbuckle my seat belt. I know I only have seconds before the door will open. “Art.” I twist my body toward him.
“Hmm?” He turns his head.
Leaning forward, I give in to my body and press my lips to his, stealing a kiss. His eyes are wide with surprise, and he freezes. His lips are just as soft as I’ve imagined them to be. His cologne is like catnip, sending my senses into overdrive. I don’t want to stop. This is the moment I’ve dreamed about for weeks. I want my lips to stay locked with his forever.
Except we don’t have forever. The door opens. Immediately, I spring apart from him, and dash out of the car and up the steps to greet one of the palace stewards. I don’t risk looking back. I’m too afraid. I can’t believe what I’ve just done. Everything between us has just changed.
My entire body burns with shame. I didn’t think anything of the consequences that kiss could have. I lost a grip on my emotions and now I might have ruined everything. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
Eighteen
My mind relives the kiss over and over again during the course of dinner. I’m seated at the high table with the imperial family. I engage Princess Kaori in conversation as best I can, but my heart isn’t in it. It’s sitting back in the car with my protection officer. Or rather, wherever he is now.
As I scan the room, I hope to catch a glimpse of him. All I see is a sea of men in black tuxes and women in colorful kimonos.
