I can’t help cringing at that, knowingit’s far past time I looped her in on my decision to miss this year’s Tahoe trip. “Yeah, about that—I won’t be there this weekend.”
Based on the horrified incredulity that washes over Star’s expression you’d think I’d just told her I found hundreds of giant, hairy spiders living in my baby grand. “What do you mean you’re not coming?” she demands. “Jazz, you have to come. It’s tradition—yourmom’stradition.”
I groan and rub a hand over my forehead. “Please don’t remind me of that. This sucks enough as it is.”
“I don’t get it…” Her incredulous expression has now made way for a frown of concern.
I sigh. “You asked me what’s going on with me and Cody—the answer isnothing,”I sayadamantly. “We hooked up a few times while I was in LA. It was just convenient, meaningless sex and he always insisted that’s all he wanted. Until the night I left when he decided to reveal that he’s fucking in love with me and suggested moving to New York to give“us”a chance,” I practically spit out the words, lifting my hand to form air quotes. “Oh, and apparently he felt that way before we ever hooked up but he wanted to show me“how good we could be together”.”I let out a harsh scoff. “I mean, seriously, I was blind drunk every time—I barely even remember any of it.”
Star’s brows are practically in her hairline by now, but as my tirade draws to a close she offers a considering look. “Well, that makes a hell of a lot more sense than the version I heard…”
I wince. “Let me guess—Cody and I were secretly together, during which time I led him to believe we had something really special but when he told me he loved me I ran scared because I’m just not capable of letting anyone get close to me. And that’s probably why I sabotaged our relationship by cheating on him and why even now I won’t return his calls or texts…”
Star just blinks for a moment, clearly stunned. “Wow. That was creepily accurate. Although you left out the part about you supposedly seducing him when he was drunk…”
“Codyis an exclusive top,” I grate out through a clenched jaw, prompting Star’s eyes to widen. She’s well aware that I only bottom when I’m plastered.
“So that’s why you’re not coming this weekend?” Star presses. “Because you think it’ll be awkward with Cody?”
“I don’t give a fuck about it being awkward,” I say. “But I have trouble biting my tongue at the best of times—do you really think I can spend a whole weekend with Cody and not lash out? How do you think Jace’s short fuse and professionally-trained fists will react then?”
“Maybe if you tried explaining things to Jace…” Star ventures.
“I don’t owe Jace an explanation,” I say in a hard tone. “He’s chosen to take Cody’s story at face value, blindly accepting a version of events that make me out to be the kind of asshole who uses and manipulates his friends for his own gain before tossing them aside once he’s done with them. And, yeah, I’ll admit I can be an asshole at times,” I say with a self-deprecating huff. “But I don’t screw over my friends, which is something Jace should know better than anyone. I’m surehe’ll manage to figure that out for himself eventually, but I’m not going to prostrate myself in the meantime.”
“So you’re just going to let him be mad at you for something you didn’t do while simultaneously being mad at him for getting mad at you?” Star asks, understandably looking as though her head’s about to explode.
I roll my eyes. “No. I’m not mad at Jace at all. I wasn’t laying out a grudge, I was simply justifying why I don’t owe him any explanations or apologies.” At Star’s look of confusion I let out a sigh and explain, “It’s like I said just before—everyone hasblind spots, and Cody is Jace’s. Oh, and I’m yours, by the way,” I add with a curve of my lips. “So if you’re thinking you can just sit them both down on the weekend and lay out the truth and magically solve everything you’re in for a rude awakening.”
I can tell by her thwarted expression that was exactly what she’d been planning.
“What, then? You’ll just never see them again? Two of your best friends?”
“Of course not.” I let out a sigh and run a hand through my hair. “As long as we can ignore the elephant I’m sure Jace and I will be fine.”
“That sounds healthy,” Star drawls. “And what about the elephant himself?”
I shrug. “It’s too soon to tell. I don’t want to cut him out completely but, fuck, he’s not making it easy—I told him I needed space and his response was to hound me with voicemails and texts for two weeks and then tell Jace his fantasyland version of events when I didn’t respond.”
“That’s…concerning,” Star says with a deep frown.
I let out a snort of laugher. “Yeah, no shit.”
I wrap up the call with Star and head back to the living room to check on Izzy.
“Wow, you’ve been busy,” I gush, marveling at the pile of bows sitting in the saucepan. There are a few random spirals and elbows in there too but I decide not to comment. “I think we have enough for dinner. Why don’t you take a break so you can have a snack before we go see Dr Mandy.”
She frowns in confusion. “Dr Mandy Thursday.”
“But this week’s appointment has changed because Thursday is Thanksgiving,” I remind her.
She nods in comprehension. “Okay. Goldfish please.”
2
“All I want istodominateyou…”
Fucking hell. I shove another spoonful of cereal into my mouth, determinedly attempting to ignore the voice that’s been echoing in my head all day. I can’t manage it, though; it’s like last night’s bathroom encounter with Jazz has been seared into my brain, with the scene stuck on an endless replay loop.
