I switch the call to voice-only and collect my drink bottle before moving off to the opposite side of the gym to find a free mat next to the wall. “You were saying?”
“Urgh. It’s really not that big a deal,” Damon mutters. “It’s just…my mother is here. Our relationship is…complicated, I guess you could say. She lives in New York but I haven’t seen hersince I moved here, which in retrospect probably wasn’t the best move because I was ready to snap after about twenty minutes in her presence today.” He pauses to draw in a frustrated sigh. Then he continues, “So I decided to get some space from the situation and clear my head. The last thing I want is to dump all my baggage onto the twins and ruin their relationship with their grandmother.”
I close my eyes as a sharp pang hits my chest. I reallyfucking hate hearing the word “complicated” when someone tells me about their mother. It kind of feels like a slap in the face to hear someone complaining about their mommy issues when I’d set the fucking world on fire just to spend another day with mine.
But I know I’m being completely unreasonable. I don’t know the full story and it’s certainly not my place to judge. The important thing right now is that Damon is in a stress-inducing situation and he asked me to help.
“Okay…so have you cleared your head?” I ask, my voice a little strained as I bend forward to grip my foot.
“I…” He pauses for a moment and I can imagine him shaking his head in frustration. “Fuck, I don’t know. My head’s a mess. It’s not just Sunny being here…there was some stuff I overheard earlier that kind of freaked me out?—”
“Sunny?” I interject.
“My mom—long story, don’t ask.”
I let out a wry huff. “Alright.” I’ve got to admit, she sounds interesting. I’m not going to venture that thought out loud though.
“And all this shit with the cum and the fucked-up fantasies,” Damon continues, agitation clear in his tone.“And…fuck,I jerked off on FaceTime. I flashed my dick on a live video call. Who the fuck does that?”
“Dirtysluts trying to bait their boss,” I say wryly. “And you loved it.”
“That’s the fucking problem,” he grumbles.
I pause in my stretching for a moment, frowning in thought. “You know, you didn’t have a problem until I mentioned your kids.”
“Fuck, that makes it even worse,” he mutters. “I was so caught up in myself I needed to be reminded they’re visiting.”
“Fuck, you’re in a melodramatic mood today,” I say with a huff of exasperation. “You took some time out for yourself when you needed it—nothing wrong with that.”
“Yeah, but?—”
“And weren’t you just saying the reason you’re not with your kids right now is for their benefit?” I remind him. “An actual dick move would have been to have it out with your mom right in front of them without taking their feelings into account.”
“Huh…I didn’t think of it like that…”
“But even if that weren’t the case, there’s nothing wrong with taking prioritizing your own needs,” I assure him. “I would actually say it’s healthy.”
“Uhh…I’m not sure how healthy these particular needs are,” he says doubtfully.
“They might be unconventional,” I reason, “but they’re not unhealthy. Is this just a bit of extra sensitivity because your kids are here or are you experiencing some genuine distress?”
“Well it’s not like I can just snap my fingers and magically be totally cool with everything,” he huffs.
I stand and brace myself against the wall, glad to know my first guess seems to be the correct one. “I know. It’s completely normal to be confused and apprehensive—it’s why I wanted you to take your time to wrap your head around things,” I remind him. “And, honestly, considering how quickly all this is happening you’re actually handling it all pretty well. If it helps at all, I think the shame and guilt and whatever else you’ve been feeling is…misplaced.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Damon demands, clearly perplexed.
“Well, I think those bursts of guilt and shame you sometimes feel in the aftermath of some particular behavior isn’t for the behavior itself but rather for experiencing what your brain perceives to be an inappropriate feeling of shamelessness whileengaging in behavior that a lot of people would consider taboo.”
“What?”
Done with my stretching, I gather my things and make my way out of the gym.
“You were perfectly comfortable sending me that photo earlier,” I say as I step onto the elevator and press the button for the sixteenth floor. “And you sure as hell didn’t mind flashing your dick to the camera. In fact, I’d say youreveledin it, you naughty slut.”
“Oh, my…”
I turn my head slightly and see a woman about the same age as my grandma wearing a horror-struck expression and clutching a hand to her chest. My brows creep up as I turn back to the doors; that cannot possibly be the most horrifying thing she’s ever overheard if she lives in New York.
