“Lottie!”apillowsmashesmy face instead of an alarm clock screaming at my face. Finn smushes a pillow to my face, his springy red curls brushing over his eyes. “Get up, Lottie. Or I’m going to be late for the third time this month. And it's the fall festival weekend.” He jumps like a monkey playing in the trees. “Come on, get up.” he jumps on the bed in the hopes I’d get up quicker. I slowly rise from the commotion in my bed. He gives me enough grey hairs if work doesn’t already.
“Lottie,” He then hugs me, his body nestles next to me.
Even at ten years old, he understands languages, maturer than most of his cohorts, he has picked up French from the visits with Aunt Lilly, after she moved back a few years ago. A bit of our culture if you want to call it. But it’s the bond we share. My little dreamer. “Fine, I’m up… once…” I start to say, but he finishes my statement.
“Once you get your coffee.” I look at him, raising an eyebrow, “Yeah, I poured it for you. I’ll go get my stuff ready then we leave in five minutes.” Sometimes I wonder who is the adult in this duo.
Such a sweet boy, after all he has been through everything at a very young age. Such independence, I don’t understand why I have been blessed with a nephew that sometimes is too smart for his own good. He skips off my bed and bounces to the floor. I admire his youthfulness and spark in him with a smile on my face as he walks back out and continues on with his morning routine.
Finnick Cole is a blessing in disguise. After that tragic day when I lost my brother, I didn’t know what to do. I was completely clueless, and sometimes still am. I was a young 20 year old, finishing my accelerated program then turned into a single mom. Life was turned upside down. In moments like this morning, I will never give this up, no matter how hard I fought my father on this.
Fortunately, my brother and my sister in law were smart and had a will naming me legal guardian in the event something happened to them. We just never thought it would come too soon. I thought that they would still be here and I’d visit every summer, birthday, and even Christmas, but time was not our friend. Even my Aunt Lilly, the gentle spirited woman she is, stood by my side through the copious amount of court dates and lawyers as to be expected when my father fought for Finn. But he will never change, I know the cruel intentions of his demeanor. He may look like an executive man, but hidden under the glitz is a man that tried to sell his kids to pay off debts, and abused us when he was in a drunken rage. If it wasn’t for Joshua and Aunt Lilly, I don’t know where I would have been. It was as if the fates had planned my life in the perfect motion.
And here we are years later, and I am the Education Advocate Program Manager with the Lighthouse Foundation. A foundation nestled in the middle of Raleigh and the sprawling cities. Worked my way up at the time and had begun my journey there and was in the place where I could supply a livable and supportive life for Finn. Allowing him the freedom to be a kid and be a part of a community that helps others.
If I hadn’t seen his birth, I could say he was my own. The adventurous, free-spirited person. He follows in my footsteps in being a free-runner, my love for books and the classics, French speaking, and knowing what people need with just one look into his eyes. Some days are magical, some days it can be tough, but we get through it. He certainly is a marvel.
October is coming to an end and it is Finn and I’s favorite season. Fall and Halloween. Our typical day starts out with our morning routine, driving him to school, then I work through the day and then after school he comes to my work and stays until the end of the day. He likes it, he meets new children his age and connects with them, my own little volunteer. We have been in the new building for a while now, but everything is still new. The new classrooms, the new equipment, the endless possibilities of helping children achieve their dream.
I muster up the strength and energy to become presentable as a boss or leader, with a button down sage shirt that I can roll up to expose my tattoos, and black capri pants that paint the lines of my lower half. Like Finn’s spirit I am a wild child with the lilac ombre hair that barely touches my shoulders, my tattoos that spread like the vine and floral design they are, my ears pierced in a constellation design. One look at me and no one would believe that I was an educator or an advocate. I turn heads, but hey give them something to talk about. With the childhood that Josh and I had, I found my ways to escape, even made my way to Aunt Lilly’s when I could.
“Lottie! Let’s go, I’m sure you don’t look like a zombie or anything.” Finn yells from the living room. The sass, I don’t know where he gets it from.Family inheritance. I hurry up and grab my satchel with my work items and my laptop. It is the Friday before our big newly annual Safe Haven Fall Festival, allowing our shelter children, after school children, and the surrounding community children to have a place to have fun and trick or treat safely. It’s a fun event where volunteers from the community help with games and a haunted house, trick or treating, and a small food drive for the families in the community. With the new building, we are expecting it to be bigger than before. It’s a chance for everyone to come together and share with each other.
“Alright kid. I’m waiting for you now. You got your book report?” Standing by the door, tapping my foot waiting on him. He nods in response. “Lunch” He holds up his lunch box. “Treat bags for your class?” he holds up his plastic bag of pinterest failed treat bag. “Alright kid, rock n roll.” The kid is going to get my brother’s height. He’s already four feet tall compared to my 5’6 height.
I go to my driver’s side door to open and I hear the small clearing of the throat. I glance behind me looking down, Finn folds his arms across his chest, tapping his foot. “What’s up,” he raises an eyebrow. “Oh my mistake.” I take a step back from the door, and as he opens my door. I give a small curtsy, and over exaggerate my next words, “Why thank you kind sir.” He bows his little head.
Mon petit prince.Such a gentleman. He trouts off after I get in and opens his door to my Bronco. She’s a little bit on the older side, but she has been the most reliable one. It’s a reminder of the freedom I fought so hard to have so that Finn never knew what life would be like with my father. I made it work when Finn was a toddler, not having to get rid of my Bronco.
Him and I buckle up, ready for the day ahead. “Finn, play DJ. Make our morning commute better.” I pass over the control with the old iPod touch. Better than using my phone battery. He scrolls and scrolls, until he finds a song. A song that I knew would only be his favorite, Hound Dog by Elvis. I’m raising a boy with good music taste and an old soul. The cool crisp air surrounds the inside of the truck. It’s fall time around North Carolina, the mountain air provides what you need. A slight breeze in the air. Finn sings every word of this song and I join in the chorus.
We both scream at the top of our lungs. The endless smile and brightness of sunshine from this boy melts my heart. He hits shuffle as we near the end of the drive to his school. “Lottie.” he pipes up from his seat.
“Yes, my high-flying man.” I glance over to him through my aviators. Finn starts to fumble with this flannel shirt.
“You think that Grandpa will ever call again?” His small voice seems to echo in this truck. The slight disappointment in his voice. Finn tries to understand why his one grandfather is not a part of his life. Partly it is because of me. But I can see the schemes and ploys my father has in store. It has been a long while since I have heard from him and I’m glad for it. Finn doesn’t need to be in his life. Part of me regrets doing that but not now. My father has attempted in the past but it was either to get a hold of Finn’s trust fund, to get in my good graces, or he will try to spoil Finn with gifts.
I reach over and ruffle his hair, “I don’t know sweetie. I wish I could tell you.” The glint in his eyes starts to disappear.
“I wish he would.”
“I know Finn.” He just wants to know his family, his heart is good and true. But I don’t want him to see the truth.
I quickly change the subject. “Okay I need you to make a choice, tomorrow you can either hang out with Mr. Brayden until the fall festival or you can come with me and help around the place. I am going to be pretty busy until it starts, so I’m giving you the choice” I never thought of being a parent, but Finn makes it easy sometimes. I typically give him two choices and let him decide, part of the independence and letting him understand that he has choices. Or he’ll try to negotiate.
He thinks for a moment, cupping his jaw with his pointer finger and his thumb. “How about both.” He responds.
“I’m listening.”
“I stay with Mr. Brayden and then we come early and see if you need help.”
I gape at this little boy. Hard to believe he’s a smart ten year old. Reminds me of Joshua and the brains of that man. I see Joshua often in Finn’s face, like I am seeing a younger version of him.
“How did I become so lucky to have you as a nephew?” I look at him with a smirk.
“Fates?” The hidden joke of his love for mythology.
Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I tested his IQ. We pull up to the drop off lane at his school. He gathers his things and starts to leave the truck, “Hey” I call out to him, he turns back to me, “Remember what I tell you.” I grin wickedly.
