Her right hand lays on the center console. I slide my hand over hers grasping it, clinging on to the hope that she’s cooled down, enough to speak.
“Tessa,” I say, calmingly.
She doesn’t say anything, her eyes focused on the road. Her cheeks gleam from the once shed tears streaming down her face.
“Teresa.” I say with a little more force.
She snaps her head, “Not now Lottie. Just.” She starts to break down again. “Not now.”
Her voice cracks.
“Fine, then if you won’t speak let me.”
“Lottie, I’m asking politely, please don’t,” she shuts down.
“I’m going to, because right now it’s the only chance we have to be here for each other without the guys interfering.”
She sighs, shaking her head. She gets out her hand from mine. “Fine,” she snarls out.Damn, there’s much more to her than I’ll understand.
“You and I know what it’s like, what we’ll do for anyone. The guys don’t understand, not fully. But we’re human.”
“Lottie, just come out with it.”
“Fine! I think between you and me, it’s time we start getting the men on board with a different plan.” I’m not holding back.
It seems the Falcons are more of a parasite infecting everything they touch, damn who they get in the way.
“Lottie, that’s the adrenaline talking. I was the same way. But things take time,” she says.
“Fuck the truce, fuck the boundaries,” I yell.
She slams on the brakes, pulling over to the side. The rumble of the bikes behind us comes to stop, blocking off the road. She rolls down the window, signaling them to give her two minutes.
“I promise you, if you think for one moment that the men aren’t ready to execute them, then you didn’t see what happened back there. The Falcons have a long standing history that goes all the way back to the founding of the group,” she starts to explain.
“So why the truce? The boundaries? If they are wanting them out of the picture, why not now? Why wait?” I start to raise my voice, feeling like she needs to be angrier than me, wanting to take them out.
What the fuck is wrong with me? Killing someone? Talking about ending the life of someone? Guess my own halo is dimming.
“Because, if one piece of the domino is missing, they can’t fall in line,” she explains, grabbing my hand, “The club isn’t going to let Cedric go, Keola isn’t going to let that happen. But if I have learned anything from them, it’s the fact that we can’t be impulsive, we have to listen to what we can do now and what we can do in the future.”
“Does that come with being their property?” My own words are sour in my mouth.
“You can’t think like that. In their world, we are their property, but to the guys, to the club we are the one thing that stands between them burning the world down if anything happens.”
“You jumped at them back there,” I said softly.
She cocks her head, “Yeah, because I was triggered. We’re human, and the club knew that. The Falcons continue to get a rise out of us and they know how. You and I are strong enough, there will be times you’ll get triggered, but it’s up to you to show your mask or not. Or even to trust Keola to ground you, keep you in a place where your strength shines. It takes time,” she throws the car into drive, “Lord knows I’m still learning.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, feeling guilty for having an outburst. A moment of rage, fueled by hatred.
“You care, I can’t fault you for that. We see an enemy that would hurt the club and you’re ready to end it, that speaks more about your mind. You considered the club first, you considered them your own,” she says softly as soon as we approach the gate and come back to the compound.
Finn runs out to rip open the door and hugs me tight. His warm embrace erases the hatred I have, and welcomes a sense of security. I want to take him home, where he’s safe is his bed, under my roof, where he can forget everything. A part of me wants back the normalcy, the routine of our lives.
But the other part knows that there are things and people out there not including my father that would take him away from me.
I kiss the top of his head, closing my eyes and feel his heartbeat, the thumping of happiness.
