She turns on her heel and walks out of the room, taking the glimmer of hope I had with her.
This is permanent.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CARTER
Knox and Heather move through the kitchen preparing dinner while Kill and I have a beer.
“Carter. Fuck, I don’t even know how to put into words how sorry I am. I fucked up so badly, and I don’t know how to fix it, but I want to.”
I take a swallow of my drink, never taking my eyes off her as I respond.
“I don’t know either. Maybe what’s been broken can’t be fixed. Knox and I have talked. We appreciate what you’re giving for her. You will always be our brother. We love you, but we can’t trust you. After the fight, we are going to disappear with her. We will be back to handle things with her family, but we think it’s better this way.”
It’s painful to think of leaving one of us behind, but neither of us is sure how we can ever be the same again. How can we possibly put our faith in him after what he did?
“I know you’re angry, but I can’t be without you—any of you.”
That’s where he’s wrong. We aren’t angry. Not anymore. This isn’t about lashing out or intentionally hurting Killian. This is protecting not only her but Knox and I.
“This isn’t about anger, Kill. It’s about safety. How can we possibly know you wouldn’t do something like this again? We sure as hell didn’t know you were capable of this the first time. We’d be idiots not to learn from our mistakes.”
He doesn’t say another word to me. Instead, he joins me as I watch Heather giggling with Knox. She says something to him that I can’t hear, and in reply he playfully smacks her ass. Turning to face him, she stares at him, her eyes full of desire, and gasps his name.
“Knox.”
He slides his hand into her hair and moves in for a kiss. She doesn’t hesitate, immediately wrapping her arms around his neck and running her fingers through the short hair on his neck. Tilting his head, he deepens their kiss, and she moans into his mouth. Killian groans uncomfortably beside me as they break apart, laughing as the pot of pasta boils over.
“Knox!” Heather scolds him mockingly with another infectious giggle.
“Stop distracting the chef.”
He chuckles softly, and the sound makes my heart clench with happiness. This is the first time I’ve heard him laugh since that night. I’m not proud of it, but I have to admit I put him through hell.
“Carter. No!” Knox yells as I hold the tip of the blade to my chest.
“I know you’re hurting—I am too, but don’t do this to me. Don’t leave me without a single fucking brother. Please, I'm begging you. Don’t. Do. This. To. Me.”
He doesn’t move closer to me, and I knew he wouldn’t. Because I’m such a fucking head case, it’s dangerous even for my family to be near me.
“I can’t take the pain without her. It’s unbearable. She’s gone, and this is the only way.”
Knox falls to his knees as I push the knife into my chest. He sobs my name loud enough that it echoes through the trees. Another sound pierces the sky. It’s a loud, rumbling growl filled with pain. It’s Killian—the person who caused this throbbing in my chest. I try to focus on Knox, but my vision becomes foggy as I hear the faint sound of giggling.
“Come on, Carter. I need you with me.”
I know she’s not really here, but I will myself to believe she is because I need it. I need her and this illusion as I lay dying.
“Carter,” Killian says, snapping me out of the terrible memory. I glance at him, and he nods at Knox and Heather sitting at the table.
We both get up and take a seat across from them.
“Thank you, Little Heathen. Everything looks and smells delicious.”
Once our plates are full, we eat the spaghetti, garlic bread, and salad she made for us. Knox and I take a bite of spaghetti and swallow as Killian says, “Thank you, Killer.”
Heather squeezes her eyes shut tight as she sighs a long breath.
