“Thereisa question,” Weryn found himself saying. “Because there is another choice.”
One I should have made long ago. I should have stopped. Even with the grief of Ashyr’s death hanging over me like a scythe, I should have realized that my revenge would not bring back, but just cause more pain to myself and to everyone else. Will I continue this cycle of pain?
He felt Demos’ eyes upon him. There was hope in them. Cautious hope. Hope that his own people had not dared to have around him, not fully, until now. “And what choice is that, Ryder?”
“We let it go so that you three are not harmed,” Ryder answered, finding nothing in him speaking with another voice. He was speaking. This was his voice. It always had been him. “No place is worth the damage it will cost to undo this.”
“But Forsworn is your city, ah, Ryder!” Balthazar said, staring at him with curiosity. “ItisRyder, isn’t it?”
“When we have stopped our enemies, when our minds are clear, when the costs can be fully assessed, we can decide to come back,” Ryder said. “But not now. I will protect you from this. I choose differently.”
No one spoke for long moments. The battle continued around them. He mourned every death. He mourned this place. But he would let it go to keep these people safe.
This is who I am. This is who I will be.
“He actually means what he’s saying, Caemorn,” Balthazar said after a moment of the Kaly Vampire regarding him unblinkingly.
“Are you certain, Ryder?” Caemorn asked.
We don’t recognize you anymore,his Bloodline had cried., Weryn! You’re frightening us! You’re killing us! You claim to want to win the War, but at what cost? What will you be when it is all said and done? You will not be our Immortal Weryn. You will not. You will be an empty husk, sitting on a throne of bones…
“I’m sure,” Ryder told him. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”
BOUND
Grayson shifted as he slowly roused himself from sleep. He’d requested Balthazar send him into a forced unconsciousness in order to regain his strength more quickly, because he knew he wasn’t going to rest on his own. Understanding that Ryder–orWeryn–was out there pretending he was dead–or Ashyr was dead–or… Did it matter? It was impossible to bear. It was impossible to rest knowing that Ryder had forgotten him.
Intolerable.
And that Ryder was walking–or more like loping–into danger that he couldn’t face beside him was another cruelty that tortured him. Damn still being human! All these weaknesses and infirmities from raising one little–or big–tidal wave! And maybe he’d done a few other–more like a dozen–things with his powers that night, but still! If he’d beenhimselfnone of this would have happened.
If I’d been myself, I might be dead a second or third time,the quiet part of his brain reminded him.I only had the time and space to create that tidal wave because Kaly didn’t realize who I really am and what I can do. And it was worth it for the intel.
Yet despite the fact that he knew he’d made the right decision in keeping himself human, despite the fact that he knew that Ryder–or Weryn–was quite capable of protecting himself, despite the fact that he was unable to get up from the bed, let alone fight, he would have been writhing on that bed even now, half a day later, if Balthazar hadn’t taken the decision to sleep away from his body and mind.
And it had been a glorious sleep! In fact, even now he was surely still dreaming as he felt the fuzzy, soft touch of Ryder’s wolf form under his cheek. Ryder as Weryn would have never thought to turn into the wolf to cuddlehim, to sleep withhim, to keephimsafe and feeling loved. Oh, no, Ashyr was dead and he was a stranger according to Weryn!
Did nothing of this world shake him from his delusion that the War was still going on? Was there nothing in my face, my voice, my scent, my soul that called to him? How could he believe I was a stranger?
His anger and hurt were intermixed with a healthy dose of pity and mercy. Weryn was desperatenotto believe he was out of time to right the wrongs of the past before Daemon rose up. He believed his only hope at salvation was to end Roan and Legion and present their likely severed heads before their king.
And if he were to admit that I was alive and reborn then he would have to tell me all those terrible things he’d done. Things I’ve forgiven him for already, but he has not forgiven himself.
Yet, in this moment of extreme weakness and even knowing that Ryder had to go after Roan and Legion, Grayson wanted himhere. Shifted into his big wolf form. Curled around Grayson. Keeping him warm and safe. And this didn’t come from his time as Grayson. No, Grayson had led his entire life practically alone. No one had stayed in his bed to comfort him. Even his mother’s arms had not wrapped around him in over a decade to tell him that everything was going to be all right. This came from Ashyr.The Ashyr who thought himself so singular and apart and not needing comfort.
I am a monolith. I am a pillar of strength of fortitude no matter the storms that lash me. I face what comes without any armor other than my will. I am alone for I must sacrifice everything to win the battles for my king.
Yet had that ever been true? If his coldness was not tempered by his love for the others, Daemon would have lost more than battles long ago. He would have lost his family. They were a family. The Immortals. A dysfunctional one. One that fought and bled and then made up and laughed together. Sacrificing any of them was wrong. In the end, Weryn had done what he had never been able to bring himself to do. And it resulted in the chaos and loss that he had always feared.
And I don’t want to be alone. I want Ryder. I want him. Right here. Safe. Sound. Soft. Snoring. With me. Not out there battling and bloodied.
Perhaps the dream reflected that desire. He found himself carding his fingers through the softest of wolf fur. He heard the steady thump of that mighty heart in his ear. As he burrowed deeper against that furry body, he felt the wolf stretch one leg over his right arm and hang it over his back. Oh, he was so warm! More burrowing and then an amused wolf snorted as he tickled Ryder accidentally.
That had Grayson waking up more fully. But all he could see was blackness and then fur and then a fuzzy face of a great wolf laying its head on the pillow beside him. Its tongue lolled out and licked his chin.
“Oh, gross!” Grayson protested. “You have meat breath! What were you eating? Or do I not want to know?”
And then he wastrulyawake as he shot up in bed and stared down at the massive wolf who was now lying on its back, all four paws in the air, tail thumping against the mattress. That tonguelolled out again as the wolf wiggled at him, just daring him to rub its tummy or even thrust his face into that soft belly and kiss it.
