They think they have nowhere else to go,Demos stated this instead of asked. Elgar glanced over at him and the Weryn Vampire’s expression was grim. Demos continued,When Ryder and I went hunting the War Children, while there were many that were ten pounds of crazy in a one pound bag, others just thought there was no place for them.
Because of the actions they took during the War?Elgar guessed.
Some of that, but not really. Because everyone they knew had acted just as bad or even worse. No, it was that they had never been connected to their Masters or their Bloodline,Demos explained.They often formed these sad little bands. A handful of different Bloodlines living together, but nobody trusting one another yet unable to live on their own. And forget making fledglings that last.
We created a whole generation of Vampires that are crippled,Elgar agreed.
Crippled at best,Demos corrected.Those that we could save we did. Got them reorientated. Found them Houses that knew how to reintegrate them and understood the difficulties.
Lawson was one of Legion’s Children,Elgar said.
That he was. Strong motherfucker. Managed to keep it together far more than others. But he left Legion pretty quick and found a House to take him in so maybe that accounts for it,Demos explained.He was good at recognizing who was in charge and how to please them then backstab them and take their place. Got him all the way to the top. For a time anyways.
Demos shot another look at Ryder/Weryn. It was full of love and concern. Elgar admired Demos’ loyalty to Ryder/Weryn. He understood his weaknesses, but he did not expect perfection. This was good. There was no false worship here. Just an understanding that Ryder/Weryn would be the best for the Bloodlineregardlessof the faults he had. This was almost an Eyros way of looking at people. When one knew what was in another’s minds–in all minds–one could become jaded or worse. But like the most successful Eyros, Demos simply accepted people for who they were.
That sounds more like the Kaly way then the Weryn,Elgar remarked, knowing that the Weryn used to be, at least, known for their clannishness and loyalty.
Lawson talked the talk, but, in truth, he never lived it. He could wax on for hours, days, weeks or more about pack loyalty and the superiority of our way of living together. We were stronger as one while all the other Vampire Bloodlines squabble and try to one up one another,Demos said.
That is not altogether wrong about the other Bloodlines,Elgar said.
Yes, but we were worse than the other Bloodlines. Not better,Demos answered.There was no trust. No loyalty. No sense of family or safety. Only with Ryder did I feel a connection. Without him, I don’t know what would have happened to me. I don’t think I would have survived.
The bleakness that opened up in Demos’ mind as he remembered his past with Lawson took Elgar’s breath away. He curled his shoulders forward and wished he could hold Demos and stroke his back, to ease that sense of being alone and unloved. But now was not the time or place. Yet the War had taught him that sometimes the onlyrightmoment was the moment you had. Because everything could turn in an instant.
I will comfort him when we are next in Nightvallen. If he will let me,Elgar thought. He sent,Lawson was not a confident leader. That is why he behaved as he did.Fear was all he had to offer.
Among other reasons, but yeah.He picked those who were weaker than him and sewed distrust. Which was why Ryder cut off those in our old House at first,Demos said.They have to prove they could live another way. Prove they can be loyal and trustworthy. I don’t know if it will stick with a lot of them, but Ryder wants to give them a chance.Here Demos glanced over at Ryder/Weryn.If he comes back, of course.
Elgar looked over at Ryder/Weryn himself. He knew of the conflict within that mind right now. He understood how Weryn–having lost Ashyr and being betrayed by Kaly and otherImmortals–had retreated to his most violent, base instincts. Destroy those that caused the pain. Don’t let mercy cause him to hesitate in carrying out that destruction.
But then there was Ryder who wanted to find a way to take care of those around him. To heal hurts, bring people together, find consensus as a good pack leader should. Ryder thought of himself as two different people because the War hadmadeWeryn someone very different than who he had been before it. Ryder was the way Weryn had been before the War, before the losses and the betrayal, before he fell. But his memories and thought-processes as Weryn were still there.
People often told themselves pretty lies that they would never do certain terrible things no matter how far they were pushed. But Ryder/Weryn had no lie to hide behind anymore. He knew what he would do in those situations, because he had done them. Trying to reconcile that with the person he wished to be, the type of person and leader he valued, was what was causing the dissonance.
He must forgive himself and accept his fallibility,Elgar told Demos.He thought he was unassailable. That nothing could change who he was. But when he lost Ashyr and so much else, it stripped away much of his goodness, because it stripped away his hope. And he was left with only rage, pain and revenge.
Demos rose up from his crouch.Ryder does not forgive himself though, Elgar. He holds himself to a standard that’s too high. It always has been. Accepting what he did as Weryn during the War? I don’t know if he can ever do it!
Ryder/Weryn were not exactly arguing now. Ryder was telling Weryn that he had to come to terms with Legion, that they had to end this being, not because they were a representation of how far he had fallen, but because Legion was dangerous. They could never be trusted, because they were a lust murderer and that didn’t go away. Weryn was listening to Rydercarefully. It was one person having a conversation with himself in order to clarify what his duty was to himself, to Legion and to the world.
He will come back to you,Elgar promised.From what I see in his mind, Demos, he is fighting to come back to you.
Demos studied his face intently, willing what he said to be true.Finally, a small smile bloomed on Demos’ lips that warmed Elgar.
Well, if you see that then I have faith,Demos said.I want him back. Some much. I used to think about what it would be like to meet Weryn–like he used to be–and now… I just want Ryder back.
Elgar nodded.I understand. Balthazar is Eyros, but he is… more. And that more is significant. I would not change him back again.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.Demos nodded tightly.
Sana stepped to Elgar’s side. She moved restlessly as always. Shifting from foot to foot. Her hands lifting and falling. Like Ryder/Weryn, she wanted to dive into the action.
Shaela is a powerful Wyvern. She’s nearly First Blood,Sana told him.Only two Vampires separate her from Wyvern herself.
Shaela was the one in that group that made the least sense to him. Unlike Roan and Legion, she had no violent streak. Instead, she had concerns that the Immortals were gaining back their power with no consequences for their prior actions. She had not allowed herself to get to know the Immortals as they were now, assuming that they had learned nothing and regretted less. She’d lost Children, lovers, friends and family in the War. All had been taken from her and now she moved mostly solo, not allowing herself to have connections, because they would slow her down when the time came to escape from the next war.
She is still shattered from the War. She does not truly believe that things can ever be as they once were,Elgar said.
