“Because you are wasting your time.” My words come out cold. Cruel. “Whatever you think this is, it’s not. So do yourself a favor and leave before you embarrass yourself even more.”
Her eyes flash, and for a second, I believe she might actually hit me.
Instead, she gets closer and jabs her finger into my chest.
“You know what your problem is, Jace? You are so busy pushing everyone away you don’t even realize when someone actually gives a shit about you. You think you are protecting yourself, but really you are just a scared little boy who is too afraid to let anyone see the real you.”
“Watch it, Bells.”
“No, I will not watch it!” She is yelling now, her face flushed, her chest heaving. “You don’t get to make the rules anymore. You do not get to treat me like garbage and expect me to take it.I have done everything right. I have been there for you. I have listened to your bullshit. I have let you push me away and pull me back in whenever it is convenient for you. And for what? So you can stand here and tell me I am wasting my time?”
“I didn’t ask you to—”
“No, you didn’t ask! You never ask for anything because that would require you to actually be vulnerable for five seconds!” Her hands are shaking, her voice breaking. “But you know what? I care about you anyway. I care about you even though you are an asshole. Even though you make it impossible. Even though every time I look at you I want to shake you and tell you that you are worth more than you think you are. That you deserve to be happy. That you—God, I cannot believe I fell in love with such a—”
She stops. Her hand flies to her mouth and her eyes go wide with panic.
Everything stops.
The air leaves the room.
My heart stops beating, then slams against my ribs so hard I think it might break through my chest.
“What?” I whisper softly.
She takes a step back. “Nothing.”
“What did you just say?” My voice is firm. If she told me she loves me, then I need to know for sure.
“I didn’t say anything.”
She turns as if she’s about to leave, but I grab her wrist before she can back away.
“Lola. What did you just say?”
She attempts to pull away, but I refuse to let go.
“Let go of me.”
“No, not until you say it again.”
“There is nothing more to say. I didn’t—”
“You said you fell in love with me.”
Her jaw clenches, and I notice the panic flare in her eyes. But then something changes. Her chin lifts and that fire is back.
“So what if I did?” Her voice is defiant even though her hands are shaking. “So what if I fell in love with an asshole who doesn’t know how to let anyone in? What are you going to do about it, Jace?”
Everything in me goes still.
She loves me. Lola Bellamy truly loves me. My chest cracks wide open, and for one perfect second, I allow myself to feel it—the rush, the relief, the pure euphoria of hearing those words leave her mouth. This is what I’ve wanted. What I’ve been too afraid to admit I’ve been chasing all along.
But then the fear hits me hard. The voice in my head that says I’ll ruin this. That I ruin everything. That letting her in means giving her the power to destroy me. I should walk away and protect the both of us from the inevitable crash. But then I see her—standing there, trembling and brave and so fucking beautiful it hurts—and I think: Fuck it. Fuck the fear. Fuck the voice. Fuck all of it.
I pull her close and press my mouth to hers. This isn’t like any kiss we’ve shared before. It’s desperation and surrender all at once. My hand fists in her hair, tilting her head back as I take her mouth like I’m trying to consume her. She gasps against my lips, and I seize the moment to deepen the kiss, sliding my tongue against hers in a way that makes her moan into my mouth.
Her hands clutch at my shirt, pulling me closer, and I guide her backward until her back hits the wall. The impact makes her breath hitch, and I swallow the sound, kissing her harder and deeper. My other hand grips her hip, fingers digging in as I press my body against hers.
