They sat quietly and ate for a moment or two before the entirereason for Sawyer’s visit burst out of her as if she had no control over her voice. “I slept with Jenna last night.”
Courtney stopped chewing and stared at her. Sawyer didn’t look at her, but she could feel it, and she had to fight hard to keep from squirming. Courtney swallowed loudly and said, “I’m sorry, what?”
Sawyer sighed. “Yeah.”
“Okay.” Courtney nodded and seemed to take a moment to get her bearings. “Okay. And?”
“And what?”
An annoyed sigh. “And how was it? What did you talk about afterward? Are you okay? Is she okay? Are you gonna do it again? Are you girlfriends now?” She took another bite of pizza and said around it, “I have questions.”
“Clearly.” Sawyer laughed through her nose. Then she took a deep breath and answered. “It was amazing. Like, truly amazing. We haven’t talked about it because I haven’t seen her today. I had to work, and then I came here. We’ve texted a tiny bit, but that’s all.” She grimaced, trying to hide the guilt she felt at having snuck out that morning and hauling ass to work early. “I did leave her a note.”
“Wait. You left her a note.”
“Yes.”
“What did it say?”
“Um…” Sawyer tried to recall what she’d jotted on the sticky note she’d found in the kitchen. “ ‘Had a great time. Early meeting. Talk later.’ ”
“Oh, so romantic and heartfelt,” Courtney said with a roll of her eyes. “So, you left while she was still sleeping?” At Sawyer’s embarrassed nod, she shook her head and asked, “What the hell am I going to do with you?”
“I don’t know,” Sawyer whined. “I panicked.”
“Obvies. But why?”
“Because Amanda had come by earlier and Jenna talked to her and—”
Courtney cut her off with a groan. “Jesus fucking Christ, that woman. What is the hold she has on you? I don’t understand it.”
Sawyer blew out a breath and her voice lowered. “I don’t either. I mean, it’s not a hold anymore, but she messes with my head. She does it from afar. I don’t even see her, and she can still mess with my head.”
“Sawyer.” Courtney said her name sternly and waited until Sawyer looked at her. “Listen to me. I’ve said this to you a million times, but I do feel like you’re finally in a place where you might actually hear me.”
Sawyer’s small grin came unbidden.
Courtney reached over and grasped her hand, held it tight. “You’re amazing. You’re kind and loving and smart and beautiful. Any woman would be lucky to have you. I hate that Amanda has made you doubt any of those things. She’s a manipulative narcissist, and you doubting yourself is what she lives for. It’s how she keeps control. It’s why she’s never made you feel good about yourself. Because if you do, you’ll see that you deserve so much better than her.”
Sawyer nodded. She knew all of this was true, but it was sometimes hard to take it all to heart.
“Now, Jenna? She’s the real deal.”
“You think?”
“Hundred percent. And if you can’t see that, you need to get your eyes checked, dear sister of mine.” She chewed a piece of pizza and swallowed it before adding, “Don’t hurt her. Okay?”
“I don’t want to. Believe me, I really don’t.” That was the absolute truth, and Sawyer had been sitting with it all day. “I shouldn’t have bolted this morning, but it all felt so…heavy. You know? My past with Amanda, this new possibility with Jenna. And then there’s the fact that maybe Jenna doesn’t even want anything that’s a ‘possibility.’ ” She made the air quotes. “Maybe it was just sex, plain and simple.” She wasn’t sure she could face that either. She picked up her wine and sat back against the couch. “I’m not sure what to do,” she whispered.
Courtney put a chicken wing into her mouth and, like a cartoon character would, pulled out a clean bone. Sawyer never understood how she did that. Even as kids, she was fascinated. Courtney’s eyes bored into her as she said, “Talk. To. Her.” She scoffed and added, “You fucking idiot.”
Jenna shoved a book too hard and the stack next to it teetered for a moment, then toppled over, spilling across the floor of the aisle. There was nobody in the store but her right then, and she allowed herself a moment to groan. Loudly and with immense feeling.
Then she dropped to her butt on the floor next to the scattered books and sat there.
What the actual fuck?
When did her bullshit detector become so broken?
