“What happens when you try to come?” Jared asked.
“I can’t believe I’m talking about this.”
She was so fucking brave. Far braver than she gave herself credit for.
“I’ve tried lots of different ways, different things,” she said hoarsely. “And nothing works. I get so far and then I see him. I hear the things he’s saying and I just can’t.”
Fuck.
Fuck!
North hated the emotions churning in his gut. He had to work hard to keep his breathing even. But he couldn’t stop his hands from clenching into fists.
“It’s all right,” Jared soothed. “That’s understandable. And no one will force you to do anything that you aren’t ready for. Did you talk to your therapist about this?”
“Yeah. She suggested a few things and I haven’t really done them in a while. I gave up, I guess. I thought maybe it didn’t matter when I would probably never be with someone.”
“What sorts of things?” North asked.
She went red again. Poor baby struggled with this.
“Well, things like yoga and mindfulness exercises to help me feel like this is my body. To be comfortable in my body. Those helped a bit. Self . . . self-exploration. But that didn’t work. Because I couldn’t get him out of my head. I almost feel like it was worse than . . . than if someone was touching me. She told me that if I ever did get into a relationship that I should work on building intimacy before things went further. Guess I should have mentioned that part.”
“Probably,” Jared said. “But we should have asked you. We knew what Fergus did and we pushed you into this.”
“No, no!” She shook her head. “I want this. I do. And you didn’t push me. I’ve been working hard to get him out of my head. I want . . . well, I’ve always wanted normal. Ordinary. I want to be able to have sex. To be intimate. I want to be able to come. I don’t want him ruining my life anymore than he has.”
“All right, baby,” Jared said. “But we need to slow things right down.”
Frustration flitted through her face. North could see she didn’t agree. He could understand why. But did she really think she was going to get something normal and ordinary with them?
“Um, she also said to use grounding techniques when I have flashbacks. Like what North did the other day with me.”
North nodded.
“So we take this slow. Lots of intimacy and trust building. And you start doing some yoga and using mindfulness techniques. Whatever that means.”
“I . . . I guess so. Sorry.”
Jared crooked his finger and placed it under her chin. “What you do not do is apologize for something that is not your fault. Understand me?”
“Yes.”
Yes, Sir.
“Yes, Sir,” she replied.
“Good girl. What can we do to help?”
“I don’t know. Like you said . . . intimacy, getting me used to your touch. Being patient.”
“You seem to like Jared touching you,” North said.
“I like when both of you touch me.”
“Is there anything in particular that makes you hot?” Jared asked. “That arouses you?”
“Watching the two of you together is pretty hot,” she blurted out.
