It could never be.
I hadn’t lied to her when I told her I wouldn’t hold sex against her.
However, that didn’t mean I wasn’t planning on using it to break down the barriers between us.
While I had her here, I intended to make use of the time. “It’s not a mistake.” My fingers trailed down her bare arm. Her skin was so soft. Everything about Taran was soft. When she wasn’t mad at me, that is.
Hoping like fuck what I was about to do didn’t scare her off, I opened my mouth to speak and had to exhale first.
She tensed against me. “Are you all right?”
“I … I wish I’d been more open with you when we were younger. I think I convinced myself that being strong meant not burdening people with my problems and only taking on theirs.”
Taran was still tense. Then slowly she relaxed. “I think you’re right.”
Relief moved through me, giving me the confidence to continue. “I know you know that it hurt when my dad left, and I know I’ve told you that it was the reason I married Kiera … but I need you to know how deep that wound was, Taran. It’s not an excuse, but it is a reason.”
She let out a shaky breath, and I peered down at her. Her lashes were lowered over her eyes so I couldn’t see her expression. “Okay.” Her fingers flexed on my chest.
I covered her hand with mine and squeezed. As the memories of watching my father walk out the door hit me, it made my throat tight. All these years later and it still fucking hurt. “I’d heard him and Mum arguing. I could only pick up snatches of what was being said, but she was accusing him of seeing a woman on the mainland. He told her it was her fault. That he didn’t want this life, and she’d trapped him into it.
“I was sitting outside,” I remembered. “On the front stoop. And he walked right by me with his suitcase. I called out to him and he ignored me. So I ran after him, tugging on his hand. He … he shrugged me off and told me to get back inside.” As a father, I couldn’t imagine ever abandoning my children. And to do it the way he did it. Unthinkable. “He didn’t even say goodbye. Even as he got in the car and drove off, I didn’t realize he was leaving for good because he didn’t even say goodbye.”
“Quinn.” Taran turned her head to look up at me, tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“He was the first person who broke my heart,” I admitted raggedly. “It changed me. To my core. I promised myself I would never break my child’s heart like that.” Sorrow shuddered through me. “Instead, I broke yours like that. And I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself.”
She suddenly pushed up to sitting, her eyes searching and wet with tears. Something shifted in her. Some kind of understanding. “I know what it’s like to not be able to forgive yourself. I used to hold so much guilt for not coming back here and staying away from Mum for all those years. When she was dying, I told her I couldn’t forgive myself for all the time lost between us. She said there was nothing to forgive because we spoke every day, so it was like I was here, anyway.”
I brushed my knuckles over her smooth face, tracing the hollow of her cheekbone. “Your mum was the most graciouswoman I’ve ever met. She told me there was nothing to forgive too.”
Taran smiled tearfully as she grabbed my hand, squeezing it so tightly it was almost painful. “Maybe … maybe if I forgive you for the both of us, I’ll learn to forgive myself too. So I forgive you, Quinn. I forgive you. I can’t promise you tomorrow with me … but I can forgive you. Wewerejust kids. We were just kids and I’m so sorry for holding on to it for so long.” She suddenly sobbed.
I pulled her down into my arms, banding them tight around her as I whispered soothing words against the top of her head. “Hush, now, Mo luaidh. Hush now. Let’s forgive each other. Let’s just let it go, aye? For each other.”
She nodded, still crying softly against me, her tears dripping onto my chest.
I kissed her forehead, caressed her back, let her cry it out.
Eventually, Taran’s tears dried and her soft breathing filled the room as she melted into sleep.
As carefully as I could without waking her, I reached over to switch off the light.
It was like a dream, falling asleep with her in my arms.
A dream I never wanted to wake up from.
33.Taran
It wasn’t so much the music that woke me but the masculine groan in my ear and then the bed dipping as he moved. What the … I forced my tired eyes open, my bleary vision processing the unfamiliar side table, wall, and door.
“You better have a good reason for calling.” Quinn’s voice sounded behind me, rough and raspy with sleep.
Memories of last night flooded in, in a flush of heat that had me sliding my legs together in abrupt arousal. After we’d fallen asleep, I’d come awake perhaps an hour later and then I’d woken Quinn with my mouth. We’d fooled around for what felt like hours before making love again.
Surely, we’d only fallen asleep five minutes ago?
“What time? Fuck. We’re okay. Just … I’ll explain later. We’ll get the next ferry … aye … see you then.”
