“You didn’t have to do that.”
“It’s done. As soon as it arrives, I’ll be round to fit it.”
Frustrated by his high-handedness, I’d snapped, “How much do I owe you for all of this?”
“Nothing.” He reached out as if to touch me and then dropped his arm to his side. “I know you won’t, but call me if you need me.”
Then he departed, leaving me with this excruciating ache in my chest. I ignored it and threw myself into clearing and cleaning the house.
By the time we’d finished, Tierney and Ramsay showed up with food. Ramsay had gone over the house, as if he could somehow find a clue to who had been here. He was a difficult man to read usually, but when he, like Tierney, noted how withdrawn London had grown, I saw a flash of fire in his icy gray eyes.
“I’ve already checked, and Nick is still in New York,” Ramsay had announced.
London physically jolted at the words but then gave him a grateful smile. “Thank you.”
Still, the break-in had left her shaken.
As I closed the door on the couple, I promised with my expression that I’d talk to London.
I sank down into the sofa opposite her and decided to put it right out there. “He’s always your first thought, isn’t he?”
London didn’t pretend to misunderstand. “Actually, it’s been months since I last looked over my shoulder. When I first got here … well, you were there, you saw me. I had nightmares, couldn’t leave the house alone. And I was just in a fight with myself. How had I let this happen? How did it get that far? But being here, being someone you needed after your mom … It helped me find a little piece of myself again. I won’t ever be the same person I was, but I stopped hating myself. I stopped hating him because he doesn’t get to do that to me too. To make me an angry person. A bitter person. To suck more energy out of me even when he’s not here. I won’t let him win like that.” London shook her head determinedly.
I felt a surge of tender pride and admiration. Because I wasn’t sure how I would have reacted after surviving an abusive relationship. “You’re incredible, you know that?”
“I’m not. I … I’m one of the lucky ones, Taran, as stupid as that sounds. The worst of it didn’t start until we were months into the relationship and I only had months of the really bad shit before I got out. There are women, children, who’ve been locked in that hell foryears.”
“It doesn’t lessen your experiences.”
“I know that. But you gotta have perspective, right? Tierney showed me that. She lost her parents in the most unimaginable way, and even through her grief, she fought. She fought knowing it could cost her everything, including her life, not just to bringher parents justice but … tolive, Taran. To live. Not just to survive the future or exist in the past. To live. Now.”
The words hit me with such force, a shivery prickle of goose bumps rose across my arms. Emotion I’d kept locked at bay all day stung my nose.
“I’m trying. I really am. I feel safe and content here. But then this happened.” She gestured to the room. “And that bastard is my first thought. Did he find me? Is this a threat? Am I in danger? Are you in danger? How will I get away this time? Is this my life forever? Moving on, trying to forget, and then something happens to remind me that I’m not safe. That I’m never safe. I don’t want to exist like that. I want to live.”
I blinked back tears and cleared my throat. “You are, London. A moment of panic, of remembrance, doesn’t mean you’re not living your life. You were right. What happened to you has changed you. Just like losing Mum has changed me. It doesn’t mean we’re not living. We’re just … different from who we were before. It’s sad. We’re allowed to be sad about that.”
London swiped away a traitorous tear. “I know you’re right. It’s just … I got a little too comfortable. Stopped waiting for the other shoe to drop. I liked being too comfortable.”
“You’ll get there again. I’m sorry the break-in did that to you.”
She sniffed with a snort. “You’re sorry? Taran, I’m so sorry. Your mom’s jewelry …”
“It’s just things. All that matters is that we’re safe. Thanks to that bloody huge dead bolt Quinn put on the door.” I rolled my eyes.
London chuckled, just as I hoped she would. “Girl, you are so in trouble there. He is …” She flapped a hand in front of her face. “It’s hot when he gets all worried about you. And he doesn’t get all controlling with it. Green flags.”
“To make up for all the red ones he displayed when we were kids?”
She cocked her head in thought. “Were there a lot?”
I shrugged. “Who knows at this point?”
“Hey, it’s me. You don’t have to watch what you say with me. I’m not Cammie, I don’t have an agenda to make you forgive Quinn. How … how are you really feeling? He’s been in your orbit a lot lately.”
Realizing she was right and that I was suffocating alone in my thoughts, everything poured out of me. I derived a great deal of relief telling London about the moment in the lifeboat station with Quinn. “Now he wants a chance to tell his part of the story. And I … I need to know.” I grimaced. “But I’m kind of terrified why I need to know. I … and this stays strictly between you and me.”
“Of course. I won’t tell a soul.”
