He’d given me a chance to be close to Taran.
16.Taran
“How goes the antique selling?” Cammie asked somewhat tentatively as we all settled at the coffee table. I’d put a reserved sign on the collection of chairs around the farthest-away table in the store as I did every two weeks for our girls’ book club, which was less of a book club and more of a time to vent and banter.
Despite what I’d said to Quinn, London, Cammie, and Tierney were the only people on the island who didn’t make me feel so alone. Especially London. While Tierney and Cammie clearly had some sympathy toward Quinn (fair, considering he was Cammie’s brother and Tierney’s first friend on the island), London never made me feel pressured about him. She trusted that I knew my own mind and heart on the matter.
“You don’t have to bring up the subject of my mum’s things with a wary tone,” I gently chided Cammie. “I’m not going to fall apart every time we talk about her. I want to talk about her. I don’t want anyone to forget her.”
“I didn’t mean to sound wary. And no one will ever forget Isla, Taran. Not possible. I just know it must be hard to sell her things.”
“It is hard. For more reasons than one. I stopped listing items and took the ones I had online off the site, but not because I couldn’t do it. I just physically don’t have the time to keep up with it all. Plus … good news. Aodhan agreed to my plans for the LSLS Charity Shop. I’m donating Mum’s items to the store. Laird helped me move almost everything into one of the storage huts down by the harbor. Once the shop is up and running, I can start taking items out of storage to sell.”
The women all congratulated me and then clicked their cups together in celebration.
“Put me on the volunteer roster,” Tierney offered as she settled back into her chair.
“When are you going to have time to volunteer? The B and B is packed to the rafters for the next year.” London gave her a look and turned back to me. “Put me on it instead.”
“We can both be on it.” Tierney shrugged, but I saw the hint of uncertainty in her eyes. I knew the B and B took up so much of her time already, and she had two separate criminal trials looming—the one against a man who stabbed her in broad daylight on Main Street, and a bigger trial against the man who ordered the attack and orchestrated the helicopter accident that killed her parents.
“Maybe when things have calmed down for you. Plus, right now,Ican run it. Ewan and Martha have agreed to take over the management of the coffee shop, and I’ll hire someone else to help them so I can focus on the charity.”
“Exciting. Well, you know I’ll volunteer right off the bat.” Cammie tucked a solo strand of purple hair behind her ear, exposing its multiple piercings. “Being too busy is one of the excuses I can give Greig for breaking up.”
Our heads whipped toward her at the bombshell she’d just dropped.
It had been a year since Cammie had started dating the much younger painter and plasterer who’d worked for Quinn last year. Because of their nine-year age gap, Cammie had kept it strictly casual. That seemed to work for Greig (pronounced likeGreeg, which made it less confusing for Cammie whose stepfather was called Greg) who liked to take freelance jobs all over the country so he could travel and jack the lad around. However, until this point, she’d never spoken about breaking things off.
“Rewind.” Tierney swirled her forefinger in the air. “Play.”
I snorted into my coffee mug.
Cammie shot her a droll look. “We all knew it wasn’t going to last. And the truth is, I’m thirty-four and I want to have babies of my own. I don’t want to have them with Greig, so I have to start dating seriously because if I don’t find someone soon, I need to make the decision to have a child on my own.”
“For the record, it’ll never be on your own because you’ll have all of us,” Tierney promised.
“Do it. If you want kids, Cammie, just do it. Don’t waste time.” My serious declaration drew all their curious gazes, and I shrugged sadly. “I wasted my time with the wrong person and now I’m thirty-six, single, and every year my chances of being a mum grows slimmer. For all I know, there is no chance now.”
My friends stared at me in awkward, pained silence.
“Sorry for bringing down the mood.”
“Don’t.” London leaned over to tap my knee. “You can talk to us about it. I think it’s smart to talk about it. More and more women who have the opportunity to do so are freezing their eggs because other women aren’t afraid to talk about how painful it is for the possibility to be taken out of your hands. Not that I want kids. That’s the decision I’ve made for myself.”
“You don’t want kids?” Cammie expressed no judgment, only interest.
London shrugged. “I had a shitty example. Don’t really want to perpetuate the generational trauma cycle.” She smirked. “We are really dark today, aren’t we?”
Everyone chuckled, but Cammie didn’t want to let the subject go. “You can still have kids, Taran.” She leaned over to take one of the mini cupcakes I’d supplied for our meeting. “The possibility is absolutely still there.”
“You and Frank didn’t discuss it?” Tierney referred to my ex.
“We did. He was unsure he wanted kids. I was sure I did. Another red flag in the relationship. Thank goodness that’s over.” I self-consciously rubbed my finger where the engagement ring I’d returned to him once sat. “If he couldn’t handle my grief, he couldn’t handle kids and marriage.”
“Is that what happened? He bailed because you were grieving?” Cammie glowered. “Seriously? What a wanker.”
“Well, technically I broke up with him, but I know he was relieved. He said I’d never let him in.” I paused and exhaled shakily. “And in all honesty, he was right. I always had one hand up with him and when Mum died, I couldn’t bear him being near me. I think … I think I might have been the villain in that story.”
