“Let’s hope so.”
“How were things with Heather?”
“Good. It turns out she’s gay.” I knew I could trust Ramsay with that information, and it wouldn’t make its way around Leth Sholas. His expression registered no shock or surprise or anything, really. “All she wanted was to be able to talk to me about it.”
“And now you’re good.”
“And now we’re good.” I scrubbed a hand over my beard. “Heather knows about Taran. She wants me to try harder with her.”
“Aye, well, I haven’t forgotten the promise you made me. We had a deal.”
He referred to the deal we’d made last year when Ramsay had fucked up with Tierney. He’d made me promise that if he fixed things with Tierney, I’d try to fix things with Taran.
“I did try.” I glanced mournfully over my shoulder at Macbeth’s Pages & Perks. “She … I fucked up even bigger than I ever knew. I ruined her life.” I forced myself to meet Ramsay’s gaze and nodded, barely holding back my emotion. “I ruined her fucking life, McRae, and … I don’t know how to fix that.”
“How did you ruin her life? What did she say?”
Checking to make sure there were no ears too close to overhear, I faced him. “It wasn’t getting Kiera pregnant that hurt her. It was me just … I told her I was marrying Kiera. No discussion. NoLet’s talk about it. I didn’t even fucking consider choosing her and Heather. She said I couldn’t possibly love her the way she loved me. That’s why she hates me. She eviscerated me the other night. And I don’t blame her.”
My stomach felt sick thinking about the look on her face in the lifeboat station. “Maybe I’m just a selfish bastard who made his bed and needs to lie in it.”
Ramsay exhaled heavily. “Problem is … no one is still that angry and hurt over someone who doesn’t matter to them. If she’s mad at you for choosing to stay with Kiera, then maybe she doesn’t understand where your head was at back then. Does she know you spent your entire marriage missing her? That you regret marrying Kiera? That the ghost of Taran Macbeth ruinedyourfucking marriage,yourlife?”
I bit out a curse, shaking my head as I stared back out at the water. “No. I’ve never told her that. I’ve only just recently realized I am very bad at letting people know what I’m thinking.”
“Bullshit. You were full of opinions when Tierney and I were dancing around each other.”
“Aye, I mean, whatI’m, like, you know … feeling.”
Ramsay’s lips twitched at my discomfort. “Ah. Aye, you are quite buttoned up when it comes to yourself. Honestly, it’s one of the reasons I’ve always liked you.” He slapped me good-naturedly on the back.
A smile curled the corners of my mouth. “Fuck off, you prick.”
“Maybe Taran needs to know all of the truth.”
“I don’t know if she’ll believe me.”
“You know I’m not the best at talking aboutfeelings, but it sounds like Taran deserves to know the decision wasn’t easy foryou, even if you’re scared she doesn’t believe you. She deserves to know why you made that decision.”
“I told her why back then. I told her I didn’t want to be my dad.”
“And she knew how badly your dad leaving affected you?”
I opened my mouth to say yes and then stopped. Truthfully, I hadn’t ever expressed that to her. Taran had accused me of never opening up to her when we were kids.
Fuck.
Ramsay seemed to read my thoughts. “You need to tell her your side of the story. Pride be damned.”
I nodded, knowing he was right. That didn’t mean I wasn’t apprehensive about facing Taran after our last devastating encounter. “How are the Keatons?” I changed the subject, enquiring after the house we were building for an English couple who’d bought a plot on the west coast of the island for their holiday home. We’d won the bid for the build and were nearing completion. I’d been off-site for most of the two weeks of Heather and Angus’s visit.
“Aye, we’re on schedule. How did the bid go on the development?” Ramsay referred to a project that had come up on the other side of the island. A developer bought a parcel of land and gained planning permission for five homes to be built, and the contract had come up for tender—for bid. I’d put in my application a week ago.
“Not heard yet. The work won’t start until next March, anyway.”
“There might be something in the pipeline sooner, but no guarantees.”
“Oh?”
