12.Taran
February, Eighteen and a Half Years Ago
For the past few months, I’d felt like I was living someone else’s life. Just going through the motions each day. When I’d suggested Quinn and I take some time, I hadn’t known how I’d feel without him. That’s what I’d hoped the breakup would help me figure out. For so long, he had been my rock. I had Mum, of course, but it was different with Quinn. I’d envisioned our entire lives together since we started dating. School, house, marriage, babies, grandbabies, retirement. I’d had it all mapped out with Quinn by my side. I had yet to exist without Quinn, and part of me wondered if that was hindering me from fully experiencing life.
But being away from him and experiencing new situations and new people from different walks of life had made me feel disconnected from him. And it scared me how much I hated that disconnect. It made me want to give up all my dreams and run back to the island to be with him.
Yet that scared the shit out of me too.
Christmas without him was miserable. I hated being home on Glenvulin and having to avoid him. In fact, I avoided everyone. I didn’t leave the house until it was time to head back to Glasgow.
January had crept past at a snail’s pace.
The only exciting thing to happen was that Julian made another pass at me, and it pissed me off that Quinn was right. I felt guilty too. I shouldn’t have spent time alone with a boy who fancied me. And compared to Quinn, Julian was a boy. Did Julian seriously think I could fall for anyone else when I had someone like Quinn? That nonsense Quinn spewed about my friends, though … I didn’t think that was fair. My friends thought Quinn was amazing until that night at the pub. At least the girls did. They thought he was this rugged, brooding islander. “You’re so lucky, Taran. He’s such amanfor a nineteen-year-old.”
When pushed to divulge, I’d bragged about how good the sex was.
I missed sex with Quinn.
I missed everything with Quinn.
It suddenly seemed ridiculously clear that it wasn’t an either/or situation. I could pursue my dreams and still be with Quinn. Why was I so stupid in thinking we couldn’t make this work? We were Quinn and Taran! We were meant to be.
That’s why I was now departing the ferry and stepping onto Leth Sholas Harbor instead of writing my English essay.
I was here to end the break.
To melt the freeze.
Of course, I could have texted Quinn at any point during our breakup, but he deserved me to make the effort of doing this face-to-face. After all, he was the one who never wavered from wanting a future together. I was the one who stupidly got stuck in my head about it.
“Taran Macbeth?”
As I strolled onto Main Street, I was unsurprised to hear my name. Small island town and all that. I peeked from beneath the wool band of my winter hat to see Aodhan Macduff. He stood with the harbor master and Ruth, his Great Dane, at his side.
“Hi, Mr. Macduff. Mr. Ore.” I waved.
“Home for the weekend?”
I nodded.
“Let us know when you realize Glasgow is a cesspit,” Aodhan said with a good-natured wink.
I rolled my eyes and waved off his comment before carrying on toward Quinn’s. He’d moved out of his mum’s house at eighteen, into a flat above the fish-and-chip shop last year. Mum hadn’t allowed me to stay with him in his flat until I turned eighteen. As if somehow that would stop us from having sex. She was very, very wrong because we’d been having sex since I was sixteen and we’d started doing everything but sex for a year before that.
But it made Mum feel better, so I’d abided by that rule for a year.
The sight of the flat above the yellow building made my heart beat wildly. My stomach churned with nerves. The last time I’d felt this nervous around Quinn was when we were still friends and I realized I had a crush on him.
“Looking for Quinn?”
I glanced back over my shoulder at Aodhan’s question. “Aye.”
“He’s in the Lantern.”
At eleven o’clock on a Saturday morning?
Frowning, I nodded and headed in the opposite direction down the street. It was so unlike Quinn to be in the pub at this time on his day off. Aye, he and the lads visited the pub once or twice a month, but Quinn wasn’t a big drinker.
