45.Taran
Quinn and I boarded the earliest ferry leaving Glenvulin for Oban. We needed to get to Kiera and Gary’s house first and then we’d follow them in our car to Glasgow. It was a five-hour round trip. Quinn and I had decided to stay in a hotel, but Kiera and Gary wanted to get Angus home afterward, so we needed to depart early.
Some things hadn’t changed, and one of those things was that Quinn grew brooding and quiet when he was concerned. When I was younger, I never pushed him to talk to me when he was like that. But last night as we lay in bed, I coaxed his anxieties out of him. Like any dad, he was worried about Heather’s safety and happiness. He worried she’d get caught up in drinking and partying, forget about her classes, put herself in risky positions. Having experienced what Heather was about to experience, I reassured Quinn as much as possible and asked a lot of questions about Heather’s academic ambitions and her time at school.
We talked for hours about her, and it seemed to calm him enough to sleep. However, this morning I could feel his turmoil. I held his hand tight in mine as I guided us to a small booth inside the ferry cabin since it was raining outside.
I grabbed us a couple of coffees and a pastry each before slipping into the booth across from him. Sliding the coffee and croissant over to Quinn, I prodded. “Eat something.”
He studied the proffered items.
Then looked at me with that intensity I’d come to love all over again.
“Distract me,” he demanded.
Lips twitching at the command, I flirted. “It’s a wee bit too public for that kind of funny business, Mr. McQuarrie.”
As I’d hoped, he let out a huff of laughter. “As nice as that would be, I didn’t mean that kind of distraction. Talk to me. Anything new going on with Pages & Perks? With London?”
Quinn’s words from yesterday were the first thing that came to mind at his question.
I want you to tell me everything.
While I didn’t think that was at all realistic, I did want to be able to talk to him about all the big things. The important things. The emotions we hadn’t discussed when we were kids. Because this time around, I wanted us to last forever, and the only way that would happen is if we were better at communicating.
That sense of dread I’d felt every time the thought cropped up made my stomach roil, and I suddenly wasn’t hungry. “I do have something I want to talk about. It might prove distracting.”
Sensing the shift in my mood, Quinn straightened. “What’s going on?”
Keeping my voice low because I didn’t want anyone else to know my business, I relayed the day I’d gone to Dr. Stornoway regarding the altered gene testing for breast cancer. I explained to Quinn what it was they would test for and why.
“The referral to the specialist came through pretty quickly, and I’ve had two letters since to confirm an appointment. I’ve avoided a few phone calls. Even from Dr. Stornoway. It’s likethis storm cloud no one else can see, following me around everywhere.”
“You’re afraid to know,” he guessed, reaching out to take my hand.
I nodded.
“Okay.” Quinn squeezed my fingers. “What happens if the tests reveal you have those altered genes?”
“I’d have to undergo regular breast screening.”
“Which sounds like a good thing to me.” Quinn ducked his head, so I had to meet his gaze, filled with understanding and reassurance. “It puts you in as much control as you can be, Taran.”
“It doesn’t scare you?”
“The only thing that scares me is you putting off something that’s important for your well-being. Do the testing, Taran. Please. I’ll come with you.”
“Aye?” A slight heaviness lifted from my shoulders. “I have to go to Inverness …”
“Then we go to Inverness. And whatever the results are, we’ll handle them. What we’re not going to do is waste our time being so afraid of something that might not even happen that we forget to live. We’ve already lost nineteen years together, Taran. I won’t lose any more time with you.”
“I love you.” The words wheezed out of me in a breathless pant of emotion.
“I’ve loved you my whole life.” Quinn pulled my hand to his mouth to scatter kisses over my knuckles, his beard tickling my skin as much as his lips. “I’m going to love you for the rest of it, and whatever lies beyond this life, I know I’ll love you there too.”
Tears stung my nose and blurred my vision. I turned away, batting at the escaping salty water with a huff. “God, Quinn, can you not say such beautiful things to me in public?”
He laughed throatily and pressed my hand to his lips again, eyes tender with adoration.
