JoSanggungnods, pressing her trembling lips together. “You too.”
“The rest of you”—the Queen of Water spins toward the audience hall and faces the cowering officials inside—“go make yourselves useful any way possible. Help keep the people calm and provide aid wherever it is needed. Understood?”
“Yes, Your Majesty.” The officials bow low, quaking in their boots. The loudest ones, who wanted my head, eye the doors with shifty expressions. They are going to run the fastest to save their asses and only theirs.
Gods-damned cowards.
The queen shakes her head at them and glides away from the audience hall. GangSanggungmotions for me to follow. With one last glance at the dark, undulating sky, I do as she bids, wondering how the hell the Queen of Water plans oncallingthe King of Underworld.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Sunny
The Queen of Water and I walk side by side in silence, while GangSanggungfollows close behind. The Amheuk’s oppressive presence above the dome weighs heavier on us by the minute. And news of the chaos erupting throughout the Kingdom of Water—riots, stampedes, looting, and even disturbing rumors of planned suicides—dog our every step.
My chest pounds with two sets of heartbeats. At least, it feels that way. My Yeoiju is ... reacting to the Amheuk. But I can’t tell if it wants out or wants to hide deeper inside me. I envy people with inner compasses that always show them their true north.
I have no idea where to go—Go to Ethan. Or what to do—Be with Ethan. I rub my tired eyes. I obviously know what I want.Ethan, Ethan, Ethan.But with the whole realm at stake, what I want doesn’t matter.
So ... what? I should just go out there and throw down with the Amheuk?
Only fools pick fights they know they can’t win. But Ididdefeat Daeseong.Are you crying for me, daughter?My empty stomach heaves, his dying words haunting me. How ironic is it that the only hope against the eternal darkness is the daughter of the darkmudang?
I can’t change the past—and I can’t change who I am. But Icanlook forward and try to do better. I have to do better so I might be worthy of Ethan.What if I can never be worthy of him?I ignore the scared little voice inside me. I know down to my bones that my place is at his side.
I will find my way back to you, Ethan.
But I have no idea what trying to do better looks like at the moment. I shake my head and pull my shoulders back. I’ll figure it out. I’ve always been good at improvising. For now, I’ll focus on putting one foot in front of another.
Panicked subjects stop the queen so often that we don’t arrive at her inner chambers until late afternoon. Herjimil, though, is lovely, from the serene courtyard to the quiet hallways of thehanok.
Sliding latticed doors open up to a large rectangular room, adorned with exquisitely crafted wooden furniture. Plenty of hanji-pasted windows let in the soft, muted sunlight, adding to the warm ambience of the queen’s chambers. And I glimpse a sleeping alcove tucked away in the back.
The silk room divider standing against the back wall snags my attention. It is beautiful. Not as beautiful as the one in the guest room at the Sunset Pavilion, but a close second. I walk to the room divider and run my fingers over the lily pads embroidered on it.
“When this is all over, I’m so getting one of these,” I murmur.
The Queen of Water steps next to me and gives me a sidelong glance. “I did not peg you for someone who collects pretty things.”
“I’m not.” I drop my hand to my side. I don’t understand my minor obsession with room dividers either. “At least, I wasn’t.”
My breath catches in my throat.Home.I want a beautiful room divider in myhome. Not just a place I sleep in—with my figurative foot out the door—but a place I call home. A placewecall home.
If Ethan doesn’t want me after I tell him that I ... that I’m ... If he doesn’t want me after I tell him everything, then he’ll have tomakeme let him go. I will fight for his love.
I can’t go to him in the Kingdom of Mountains, but I’ll find a way for us to be together. I won’t run from the only thing I’ve ever wanted.
Suddenly, I miss Ethan so much that I can’t breathe. I dig the heel of my palm against the ache in my chest, taking in shallow sips of air. I steal an anxious glance at the queen, hoping she doesn’t notice I’mthisclose to falling apart.
“I ... I am afraid he won’t answer,” the Queen of Water says in a wavering whisper. Maybe she is just as close to falling apart.
“What?” I tilt my head, tucking my hair behind my ear so I can hear her better.
“What if I call Taeyoung and he doesn’t answer?” She bites down on her bottom lip.
“Isn’tnotknowing worse, though?” I reach out and squeeze her hand. She seems to care deeply for the King of Underworld.
“You’re right.” With a firm nod, she heads toward the sleeping alcove. “Come with me.”
