I got my answer. They are definitely a teenager. “I’m one hundred thirty-two.”
The dragon doesn’t respond right away, busy piercing a beast with their tail. When they’re done, they level a sullen gaze on me. “You’re really old.”
I huff a ponderous sigh as the dragon is distracted by another nightmare beast. I experimentally shift my shoulder blades. I can move my body without the excruciating pain of a thousand bleeding gashes. I love how quickly my gumiho heals. My nine tails swish with pride.
“I really like your fox form,” Hailey says, shooting a volley of arrows with her crossbow. “Just so pretty.”
“Stunning, really.” Jaeseok winks rakishly, then he skewers a beast with his spear and shimmies his shoulders to what appears to be a sexy tune in his head.
“Thanks,” I mutter telepathically, touched despite myself that they don’t look at me with the same prejudice as the other shinbiins—like I’m an evil trickster or an exotic sex object.
Ethan is back to swinging his axes and plowing down the real monsters with steely focus. With a dragon on our side, I splurge a minute to watch and appreciate the spectacle. With his sweat-soaked T-shirt plastered to his torso, I can see every stark line of his muscles as theyshift and bunch. The man fights like agod. I clamp my jaws together to stop myself from drooling and shift back into my human form.
I jump into the fray with my hwando raised and destroy a pile of monsters. I don’t stop until my attacks turn sluggish with fatigue, but the onslaught is definitely slowing. Maybe we have a chance of winning. Hope is a stubborn thing. It keeps popping up. I welcome the burst of happiness it brings, however misplaced.
I chance a glance at Daeseong and suck in a sharp breath. The gash on his forehead is closing, stopping the flow of nightmare beasts. But even before I can register relief, the black of the mudang’s eyes spreads across his face, his torso, his limbs. And the darkness keeps spreading until it hides Heaven Lake and the sky above it.
As if by agreement, the five of us gather near the shore, with the dragon hovering in the air behind us. Ethan’s hand reaches out to catch mine as we face the towering darkness. The suhoshins shift to stand in front of us, prepared to give their lives for their prince—not that he’d ever accept such a sacrifice. A wasted sacrifice. None of us say it, but we know this isn’t a fight we can win. Even my stubborn hope has sputtered out.
The darkness doesn’t reach for us. But it doesn’t need to move to destroy us from the inside.
Happiness is an emotion foreign to me. Smiles and laughter have never touched my face. I’ve never known anything but this gnawing grief inside me. I fall to my knees. It hurts so much that I can’t catch my breath. There is only pain and darkness. This is all there is. The hot tears sliding down my cheeks provide no relief. My sorrow fills me, a silent scream clawing at my throat. There is no hope. I’m certain of this. There is no end to this pain but death.
A heart-wrenching sob reaches me through the fog of my despair. Ethan’s shoulders shake with grief, and he punches the ground again and again. Jaeseok is wailing, tearing at his hair. Hailey drags her fingers down her face, her nails breaking skin. Jihun makes no sound as he cries, staring unblinkingly at where the sky used to be. The dragon iscurled tightly in on themselves as they keen—a sound of such suffering and fear.
They’re only a kid. Anger sparks in my chest. They’re just a kid, trying to do the right thing. I take a full breath as another burst of fury stirs in me. My friends ... they’re hurting so much. They don’t deserve this. And Ethan ... His pain threatens to rip me apart and pull me under the darkness again. Rage ignites inside me, and I transform into my gumiho with a wrathful howl.
Fury urges me to fight, but I sense something behind my anger. Why do I refuse to see a kid suffer? Because there is good in me. Why does seeing the suhoshins suffer make me angry? Because I care about them. They’re my friends. Why does Ethan’s agony tear me apart? Because I love him. With all my scarred, battered heart.
And what is love? Love is hope. What is hope? Hope is life. What is life? Life is light. My head tilts back as warmth fills my chest and light glows beneath my coat. Liquid heat gathers in my heart, and peace descends on me.
“A beast like you doesn’t deserve the Yeoiju. You will never understand its power.” Daeseong’s voice hisses from the darkness looming over us. “You’re a coward. You hid from your powers even as your mother died in your arms. You did nothing to save her. You only used your power to save yourself. You’re a murderer. You killed me and my disciples to save yourself. So much blood shed to preserve the life of an abomination.”
“Maybe I was all those things in the past,” I agree as power hums through me. “But now ... can’t I choose to be better? Can’t I choose to be good?”
“You ... you are evil,” the mudang shrieks. “You will kill everyone if you unleash that power.”
“No, I won’t.” My eyes flutter shut. “Because Ichooseto be good.”
Even with my eyes closed, the light is blinding. I realize I can’t control it. I can’t contain it. I’m not wielding the power of the Yeoiju. The Yeoiju is wielding me. It wants to be released, and I have to let itgo, even if it tears me apart. I smile. The light will vanquish Daeseong. I will die, but my friends will live.Ethanwill live. Even the sullen teenage dragon will live. My smile grows.
I give myself up to the light. It seeps out of every pore in my body, pushing against my skin. Then it pulses through me in endless waves until I am nothing ... but light.
RESTING PLACE
“Am I dead, Mother?” I ask in a little girl’s voice.
“No, Daughter.” She smiles down at me. “You are just resting.”
“But my friends ...” I want to get up, but I can’t feel my body.
“They are all fine.” Tears fill her eyes. “You did good. So good.”
“Thank you,” I say, my words slurring with fatigue. “Am I done now? Do I still have to run?”
She hesitates, then says, “Rest for now.”
“Yes, Mother.”
