“No, thanks.” I snort. “I’d rather live.”
“Suit yourself.” His tone makes me think he’s teasing me, and I don’t stop the grin that spreads across my face.
My instinct tells me he’s trustworthy. He already saved my life twice. Maybe he’ll do it for a third time by giving me a fighting chance against Daeseong. He’s the best option I have to save Ethan. The other options involve me dying a senseless death.
“I haven’t forgiven you for kidnapping me.” I side-eye him, coming to a decision. I’m going to trust him. “I’m just giving youamnestyfrom the ass kicking of your lifetime because you saved my life.”
“Twice.” He looks quite smug for such a stoic male. I’m beginning to think he might actually have a sense of humor.
“I don’t think this second time counts, since I’m going to die in a few months anyway.”
“I’m not going to let that happen,” he says solemnly.
My stomach swoops to my toes, then back up, leaving my insides sloshy. The thing is ... I believe him. I believe he’ll die protecting me ... and Ethan. So it’s up to me to keep all of us alive.
“I’m going back to the Mortal Realm,” I tell him. “I’m going to find Ethan. With or without your help.”
“He can take care of himself,” Jihun says quietly.
My breath catches in my throat. So my hunch was right. “You know who he is.”
He nods once to confirm, even though it wasn’t a question. “It is not my story to share.”
“I didn’t ask you to.” Instead, I ask another question, already knowing the answer. “Doesheknow who he is?”
“Yes.” Jihun’s voice is calm and level, but my head rings from the single word. A part of me had still hoped ...
It doesn’t matter what I’d hoped. Ethan knows, and he kept it from me. Fresh hurt and betrayal spear through me. I bite down on my bottom lip hard enough to draw blood to hold the tears at bay. A few days spent running for our lives—and a day of naked shenanigans—don’t make us mean something to each other. He doesn’t owe me anything.
Even so, he stood by me like a stubborn ass when the odds were stacked up against us. I should get a chance to return the favor. But ... something curls up inside me. His lies hurt me, but why he lied hurts more. Ethan doesn’t trust me. And—if what Jihun says is true—he doesn’t need me either.
But there is cold comfort in that thought. It means he’ll be okay until I find him. Because Iwillfind him. I don’t give a flying fuck whether heneedsme. We promised to stick together, and I intend to hold up my end of the bargain, no matter what.
“You’re going back for him,” I say with certainty. Jihun is somehow bound to protect Ethan. “And you’re taking me with you.”
“I can’t help him if I have to protect you,” he says grimly. “Staying here is the best way for you to help us both.”
“You don’t understand.” I grab a fistful of his sleeve to stop him. “Ethan is going after a powerful dark mudang. We don’t have much time.”
“I realize that.” He turns to face me. “That’s why I need to go find him as soon as you’re safe here.”
“Do you even know who Daeseong is?” I shout, throwing up my hands.
“He is a dark mudang resurrected by the Amheuk. The one who had Benjamin Lee killed.” Grief flashes past his face so quickly I almost miss it.
“Then ...” I swallow my own grief, wondering what his meant. Did he know Ben? “Then you know that even an almighty suhoshin can’t defeat him.”
“I’ll die trying,” he vows.
“I know, and youwilldie. You’ll both die if you don’t help me.” I pull out the colorful bokjumeoni from my sleeve and hold it up to him. “Ican give us a fighting chance. Do you know what this is? It’s the sacred ashes of an ancient cypress tree. The life force of the Seonangshin.”
“You ...” He stumbles back a half step, then reaches out a tentative hand. “How did you get that?”
“It doesn’t matter.” I stuff the bokjumeoni back into my sleeve. I’m not ready to let anyone touch it. And I sure as hell am not ready to talk about what I had to do—what Samshin Halmeom had to do—to get the sacred ashes. “All you have to know is that I’m the only one who has a chance of defeating Daeseong.”
“Not if you don’t know how to use it,” he counters.
“How did you know ...” It doesn’t matter how he knows. He’s right. And Ihatethat he’s right, but I can’t indulge in pride. The whole point of this conversation was to ask for his help. “All right then. Who can we beg, bribe, or threaten to tell us how to use the sacred ashes?”
