Kessian let out a sad, derisive noise. “Dom liked me that way. Made him feel important to be needed. It was after I got my Bowen’s Wane diagnosis that everything fell apart. That was a littletooneedy for him.”
I was biased and not given to afford Dom as much grace as Kessian on this. “He was an ass.”
“In the end,” Kessian agreed. “We weren’t married, though we’d talked about it. He hadn’t signed up for ‘in sickness and in health’ yet, and as it turned out, he wasn’t ready to be a carer. Maybe if my prognosis wasn’t fatal. He said he couldn’t watch me waste away, would rather remember the ‘real me.’ As if I’d become a different person. It’s just life, isn’t it? Things change. People come and go. They’re right for you, then they’re wrong.”
He said it with a sort of philosophical distance. The kind I often masked with when intellectualizing a painful moment was easier than dealing with the enormity of the feelings it evoked.
“You’re probably wondering what any of this has to do with Warwick,” Kessian said.
“No. I was thinking how hard it must have been.”
Kessian shrugged. “Others have it worse. Anyway, I should tell you. No point hiding it. What’s left of my pride is already forfeit, so … Warwick evicted me over two months ago.”
Anger bubbled up inside of me. “He can’t.”
“He can. My tenancy was a lease, and he’s chosen not to renew. He owns the whole park. You might have noticed it’s quiet? I haven’t got any neighbors anymore. He’s going to tear it all down. Probably build a hotel to fill with tourists. I’d move somewhere else but …” This part he looked away for. “Can’t afford it, right? I could just about afford this place when I moved, but everything’s more expensive now. I’ve watched every rental that’s come up in the past two and a half months. Nothing in my price range. No market for a house share, either. Not many young people stay in Shearwater.”
I didn’t often see red, but I was starting to. “But you work at the spa. He’s the one signing your paychecks. And your abilities are an asset, why would he chase you off?”
“He told you the spring’s been less powerful lately, yeah? I think he believes my abilities siphon it more than usual. He’d prefer to charge tourists an extorted rate just for a dip than pay me as an employee to act as an intermediary between visitors and the spring, so their visions are clearer. More useful. In the end, the reason doesn’t matter because the result is the same.”
“Is there anywhere else near Shearwater that’s more affordable?” I asked.
“I’d have to move to the other end of the country, or another country altogether, to find something.” He pulled his knee up, resting his chin on it and picking at a fray in his shoelaces. “Besides that, I don’t want to leave. Shearwater chose me.” He tucked his chin, pressing his forehead against the hole in the knee of his jeans. “Nobody else has.”
An alarming answer rose on my tongue.I would. If I wasn’t cursed to always leave and you weren’t cursed to be left behind, we’d make a good pair.
I didn’t think he’d believe me.
Kessian sighed. “Listen to me, crying over a broken nail in front of a broken bone. In a week, I’ll be living out of my car, but you’ve lived that way for nine years.”
“I had Lunaris.”
“Still. I bet it was hard.”
“Suffering isn’t a competition.”
“But if it was, you’d win?”
I let out a breath. “I’m not much good at comfort, but it would help if you didn’t deflect. Can I make you tea?”
“I’d take a hug if one’s on offer.”
Physical affection was not normally my first choice, but I was relieved he asked, because I’d wanted to and didn’t know how. We both stood, him leaning on the table a little until I drew him in. He wrapped his arms around my waist and leaned on me instead.
It was nothing like the stiff, awkward hug I’d shared with Amelia a few days ago. There was a type of pottery I’d never gotten to try—kintsugi, where the broken shards were fitted back together, the cracks sealed with gold. The healed pots were made more beautiful by the uniqueness of their scars, but it had never felt the same way for me. My scars made me socially awkward, cowardly, prone to preferring the safety of my imagined fantasies than the risks of more cracks that came from taking chances.
But Kessian fit against me like our broken shards matched, and the way my heart warmed, it could have been molten gold.
I held him close, my nose buried in the citrus tang of his shampoo, and for a second I let myself wonder. What if the visions from the strid were wrong? What if we cleansed the strid, made Shearwater safe? What if we both found a way to stay?
Kessian’s arms loosened around my hips, but he didn’t step away. “If that’s all the questions you have for me, is it all right if I ask you one?”
“Yes.”
He looked up at me through his lashes, that rare shyness keeping his voice low. “You kissed me.”
“That’s not a question.”
