The horror must have been apparent on my face, because he said, “I can see that wasn’t what you had in mind. Things are different amongst your people?”
“Yes,” I managed to say.
“You will have a month to get used to the idea, then,” he said before returning his attention to the zither player.
My breaths were coming too fast, and my vision narrowed. Every instinct inside me told me to run. But even if I was willing to throw the treaty away for my own happiness, I would never make it off the mountain alone.
I was trapped.
Just breathe,Shazeera said, her voice a soothing balm in my mind.
I closed my eyes for a moment.There’s no way I could ever do that—have a baby here without any of my family.
You will have time to figure out a solution.
I repeated her words like a mantra until my breathing slowed.
After the performance, servants came and removed the chairs to allow us room to mingle and speak to one another. Emperor Altair remained on the throne, so I did the same. We watched as the people kept stealing glances at me before talking behind their sleeves. “They’re looking at your outfit,” he said.
I looked down at the outfit in question, one of my most elaborate ones that I only wore on the rare occasions Ama held court. This one was the pink of a sunset, which set off the golden tones of my skin beautifully. The bodice was cut low and trimmed in braided gold with rubies that glinted along the neckline. The skirt was separate, though the bodice covered most of my torso, and it was of a voluminous silk chiffon, split down the middle for ease of movement. A golden belt with bangles was secured around my waist, and there was a matching golden collar that fanned out in the same dangling rubies that fit flush around my neck. My dark hair was secured with a silken headscarf in the same sunset pink. A golden diadem had both rubies and diamonds that hung in delicate chains along my forehead. This was as regal and elegant as I could muster, especially after having just ridden on an eagle for hours. “Why?”
“The color, for starters. All that skin,” he said, glancing away. “Black and white are the shades of choice here. Maybe gray. I can have tailors sent to your room, fit you for a new wardrobe.”
“That’s kind of you, but no thank you. I prefer my own clothing.”
“They will judge you harshly for it.”
“I cannot be anything other than what I am,” I said unapologetically, and he watched me closely for a moment, as though turning my words over in his mind.
“That is…a radical way of thinking here,” he said finally. “I can’t say you’ll be rewarded for it, though. And you may end up regretting it.”
“I would think it would be even stranger if I came here and immediately started dressing and behaving as though I were a Zephyrian when it’s obvious to everyone that I’m not.”
He let out a small laugh. “That’s true, though that’s exactly what they expect of you.”
“Well, I can’t control other people’s expectations of me,” I said, and he looked at me again like I was speaking an unfamiliar language. When he was quiet again and seemed like he would remain that way indefinitely, I said, “What do we do now that you’ve made your announcement to the court, and we’ve listened to the zither player? Shouldn’t we go talk to the nobles?”
He leaned back in his throne. “If anyone wants to speak to me, then they must approach me here.”
I looked at the dais, raised high enough that anyone who wanted to approach the emperor would have to crane their neck to look him in the eye. I didn’t see that happening. “I’m going to go and see if I can speak to any of them.” Surely not everyone was cold and removed.
“Be my guest,” he said dismissively.
When I climbed down the steps of the dais, Shazeera came over to me. Each echo of her hooves across the cavernous room made the nobles look at us like she was a rodent who had scurried into their midst. It made my blood boil.
I’ll wait here,she said with a little shake of her mane.I have a feeling they’ll never talk to you if I’m by your side.
Absolutely not,I said.We are a bonded pair, and where I go, you go. If I show weakness now, they’ll never accept us.
She swished her tail, which was what she always did when she disagreed with me, but when I walked away, she stayed by my side.
We moved toward a group of women who were talking, at least. That seemed like a good sign considering that most of the room held a heavy silence. Although the emperor had spoken in a common tongue—no doubt for my own benefit—the other nobles were speaking in their own language, of which I had only a cursory knowledge. As monstrous as they’d always seemed, I was surprised by how innocuous their language sounded. It was smooth, even monotonous, without emphasis on any of the syllables.
I tried not to think of my own people, how any of us would have turned and welcomed a newcomer—even an enemy. Hadn’t I even shown Commander Talon to the food table myself? But though the women behaved politely, bowing when they saw me walk close to them, they kept their shoulders turned in such a way that I couldn’t join their circle. I noticed their gazes dart toward Shazeera many times, too, but instead of it being a potential opening for conversation, they refused to speak to me at all—much less about the horse in the room.
Here, though I was surrounded by people, I had never felt more alone.
We wandered throughout the room, but it was the same treatment no matter which group we came close to. So when Lord Heron approached us of his own accord, I watched him warily.
