“Gemma, I—well, today, we kissed. And I thought I would be able to put it out of my mind, save I can’t.”
“You must.” Her breathing was shallow and tight. This was not what he wanted.
He set the bucket down. Came forward. “It is not that easy. I thought I could let matters lie, and yet, all I can think about is you—”
She held up a hand, stopping him. “The kiss meant nothing. We discussed it. It’s behind us.”
Her denial brought a flash of anger, until he realized she didn’t meet his eye. “You’re lying.”
She stiffened, before whispering, “I’m lying.” Expressive eyes met his. “I’m so lying. But there can’t be awe. Nous. You are promised to someone else.”
“Yes, I’ve been thinking about that. It is a difficulty—”
“A difficulty? You gave your word to one of the kindest, most defenseless of women in not just the village but the world. Mr. Thurlowe—”
“Ned.”
“What?”
“My name isNed. I want to hear you use my given name as you say what I believe you are about to say.”
“We can’t do this... Ned.”
He turned. Stared into the darkness before picking up the bucket and tossing the contents across the lawn. He faced her. “We can.”
“We mustn’t. And we don’t even know whatthisis. I barely know you. Iannoyyou. We areenemies.”
“I love you.” The words flowed out of him.
For a second he didn’t know who was more startled—her or himself. However, once spoken, once released to the night air, the power of that simple statement reverberated around them.
She closed her eyes. “No, Ned, don’t. You can’t.”
“But I already do, Gemma. I love you. I also know you have feelings for me. It was there in your kiss.”
Her eyes opened, her gaze clear, troubled, honest. “Feelings that should never be acted upon.”
“And yet, we did. Now they are here, and how can we deny them?” She started to shake her head, to offer more resistance. He wouldn’t let her. “We don’t have to live here.” He’d never imagined he would say such a thing. Maidenshop was the only true home he’d ever known. The only place where he’d felt welcomed.
Except, he sensed he could be happy wherever he was, if he was with Gemma. “We can find a place that is ours alone.”
“Ned, life doesn’t work that way. You know that. And we are two people with big dreams. We’d come to hate each other if we did this the wrong way.”
She was right.
“And it is more than our running away,” she continued. “My husband betrayed me with many women. He didn’t honor his vows. Ihatedthe way he made me feel. I can’t do that to Clarissa. She doesn’t deserve it.”
“Let Mars marry her,” he said. He spoke desperately. He knew that would never happen.
“And yet, you are the one who asked her. Could you truly renege on your promise, Ned? Without you, she has no future—except being a governess or a companion... and you and I know how cruel the world can be for anyone without family.”
He did know. Too well.
Ned didn’t want to let go of these fledgling feelings he had for Gemma. He didn’t completely understand what was happening. He’d never experienced wanting to open his life to another, orto even trust a woman. To have her by his side. What swirled inside him was, yes, desire and lust and need, but also a yearning to be the man he’d spent the afternoon imagining he could be with Gemma in his life. He could see it clearly now. She, alone, held the key.
There was no other for him.
“Gemma,” he said, her name a plea, and a blessing. “I don’t trust very many people, and none who are female, and yet, I’m placing my heart before you. I can’t imagine my life with any other.” He leaned toward her—she stopped him with a shake of her head.
