He let them travel a bit more before he said, “Kate, I ask you to pardon me for my behavior and my words.”
Her head snapped round. “Do you mean the part where you were going to offer for me? Is that what you wish a pardon for because you didn’t mean what you said?”
Bran sat heavily on Orion, a signal for the horse to walk. Her gray trotted a few steps more and stopped. Kate looked back at him. There was no traffic on the road. They were by themselves in the late afternoon sun.
“I love you, Kate.” His heart grew with the truth of those words. “I loveyou.” He repeated them with conviction, with honesty.
She studied him, her expression solemn, and then she shook her head. “You speak of love, but the truth is, you’ll never forgive me for what happened years ago, will you? When you launched into me,in front of everyone, that was jealousy speaking there. I saw it for the first time, that emotion that you attempt to control every time you ask me about Hemling.”
“Kate, I have never felt jealous over the marquis—”
She cut him off. “Yes, you have. It has always been there between us. As far as you are concerned, I should have escaped Hemling or I should have fought within an inch of my life. I should have done anything but stay and try to survive—”
“I don’t judge you.”
“Brandon, you have done nothing but judge me.” She kicked her horse toward his, stopping when the animals were almost nose to nose. “There has been a question in the back of your mind ever since we grew close. Hemling was fifteen years ago. I’m not even the same woman, however, you seem to be the same man. I told you the truth and you are either not pleased with the answer or you don’t believe it. Even when you don’t say anything, I know it is on your mind.”
“So you can read my mind now?” he said, reacting to the bold directness in her tone.
“You are not that complicated.”
That was a direct blow.
He met her angry gaze. “If I have been overbearing on the matter, it is because I failed to protect you. It is me I blame, not you. And I’ve obviously set it all aside. Why else would I declare myself right there in front of everyone?”
“Because you were angry. You were lashing out—and that is when you tell me you love me?” She shook her head. “What hurts is that after what we’ve meant to each other, you jumped to a horrible conclusion about me. I thought you were different than other men, Brandon. I’d hoped.”
“Kate, I—” He what? He bowed his head, reaching deep within. “Kate, itwasjealousy.” There he’d admitted it, and now he needed her to forgive him.
“You think I am so lacking in moral decency that I would throw you over for money. For a title. For a position.”
“I thought you once did.”
“That is my point. You will never let me forget what happened between us. I was young and very confused. Everyone in London told me that I had no choice, not after what he’d done to me. I was also ashamed, Brandon. I believed even you had abandoned me. And yet I had to go on. I had to face my mother. I had to decide who I truly was.”
“I know. Kate, I’m sorry. I was a bit insane. I love you.”
“And I love you.” She spoke as if they were the saddest words in the world. “I’d begun picturing a life with the two of us together. I was so silly—”
“It isn’t silly. It is what I want.”
“It isn’t what I want, not any longer.”
He reached out a hand to her, as if to draw her close. The gray backed up. He dropped his hand. “I don’t understand. I am truly sorry. I’m not perfect, Kate.”
“I don’t ask for perfection, Brandon. What I want is trust. I want someone who will against all odds believe in me. Who will stand beside me and not expect me to wear a hair shirt for past mistakes. I want someone whose faith in me is unshakable. Who would ask me first if something was true instead of forming his own conclusions. You didn’t even give me a chance to respond to you, Brandon.”
“I was wrong.”
Kate didn’t even shift her seat on the saddle, and he knew he was losing her but he didn’t understand why. “What do you want from me? I will give up everything for you.”
“I don’t want you to give up anything. Don’t you understand? I’m not a cross to be borne. I’ve never accepted anyone’s pity—”
“You are willfully misunderstanding me,” he started, his temper beginning to rise.
Calmly, she responded, “I understand you very well. Perhaps better than you understand yourself. Come, let’s find this nephew of yours.” She set her horse off.
“Kate,” he called, wanting the matter settled, wanting his resolution where she fell into his arms and forgave him for any and all past transgressions.
