No wonder her recent decision to finally take action for herself and return to London was so important.
“Father didn’t want me to go either, although he could see my mind was set. So, I went to London with Mr. Earls. Before I left, Mother informed me that she had high expectations for me. She warned that choosing this course in life would put me on the outside. There would be many who would think the worst of me.” Brandon cradled her closer. She snuggled against him. “I was brave then. And so young. I didn’t think anyone could harm me. Except, I was foolish.”
“Kate, naïve maybe but it isn’t foolish to want to make something of your life.”
She silently disagreed. She knew who she was. She jumped into the story. “When I was met with success so quickly, I thought I was invincible. I also had made a promise to my mother that I would stand for the high morals of my family. She told me a lady had nothing to do with status or position. A lady is a woman who thinks highly of herself.”
“Which you do.”
She shook her head. “I don’t know.”
He gave her a reassuring squeeze. “Kate, youarea lady.”
“Says the man I am naked in bed with.”
Brandon made a dismissive sound. “Now you are being foolish. All this protecting virgins and living a cossetted life is nonsense. It certainly hasn’t helped my sister.”
“But it does brand me. Oh, dear God, it has. You’ve heard the names they call me. Most times, I can ignore the unkindness of others... except for those moments—” Her voice broke off.
“Moments?”
“When Iamashamed.” The truth of those words almost robbed her of breath.
He gathered her closer. “And what have you done that should make you ashamed?”
“Brandon, you don’t understand—”
“Maybe I do. Answer me, Kate. Let’s have it out.”
Her throat closed, blocking anything she could have said. In the depths of her belly was a resistance that seemed as hard as rock.
Brandon shifted his weight, giving her a bit of space, before he said, “I never thought of you as a woman of easy virtue. I remember what happened between us as being joyous. Freeing.”
“It was.” Oh, God, why was this all so muddled? “And yet, it was wrong,” she insisted.
“Because?”
“I promised my mother... she warned me.”
“Aboutusspecifically?”
Kate came up on one arm, a truth becoming clear to her. “Of course not. She never knew about us. I didn’t tell her. She did know about Hemling. It seemed as if all the world did.”
“But she didn’t know everything. She didn’t know that he forced you, and then made you afraid to leave. And he bragged about what he’d done.”
She placed her hand on his chest. “I promised my mother I would not give in to the temptation of the world. She was so worried about me and I assured her over and over that I understood that I was an Addison and that, as she often said, ‘the blood of kings and queens flowed in my veins.’”
“That is true of most of us, isn’t it? Kings were indiscriminate in where they procreated. There is probably many a yeoman or cowherd with the blood of kings in his body.”
“Ah, but no one questions a king for his indiscretions, while his queen might find herself pilloried.” She pushed her heavy hair back over her shoulder. “I meant to keep that promise. I understood what my mother was saying. I was raised with high standards and I felt blessed that I could be on a stage. I wasn’t even tempted—until you appeared.”
“I have no regrets.”
She nestled down into the haven of his arms again. “I had no regrets either, although I’m clear-eyed about what it was.”
“And what was it, Kate?”
She didn’t hesitate. “We belonged together.”
