“I’m not tense—” she started to deny.
“Of course not.Iam,” he admitted freely, although that wasn’t true. He seemed relaxed while... shewastense.
When she’d written her letter in the early hours of the morning, she had anticipated some sort of response. After all, he needed her dowry. Money was important. But she hadn’t expected him to show up in person or so quickly.
If she’d thought about it, she would have anticipated manly bluster and stomping about. Or wheedling. Or he could have gone to her father to complain, but he hadn’t.
He’d come to her first.
Was that enough?
She didn’t know.
And she wasn’t certain she’d wish to find out. She was not one to go back after she’d made her decision.
“Your Grace—” she started. However, he interrupted.
“I’m Matthew. Or Matt. I actually prefer the latter. It is how I think of myself and the name my family and friends use. My grandmother calls me Matthew. You can make your own choice.” Without waiting for a response, he said, “I did not mean to ignore you after our betrothal—”
“You barely spoke two words to me before it,” she had to interject.
He nodded slowly. “I believe matters transpired rather fast—”
“You actually asked my father for my hand. Not me. You didn’t speak tome.” She wanted to be certain he understood her full complaint.
There was a beat of silence. “I might have done that.”
“Mighthave?” She faced him now, his offenses rising like bile inside her. “And everyone knew who you really wanted was Lady Bainhurst. That you were ‘pining’ for her. For all I know, the two of you have been carrying on scandalously over the past months while I have been left to wander around ballrooms like Kitty Pakenham.”
“Kitty Pakenham?” he repeated in confusion.
“Never mind,” she replied, not wishing to go into the details. “You won’t understand. Men don’t... because they can do whatever they wish. They can walk the earth as if they own it while expecting women to trail behind them, seeing to their needs and making their lives easier.”
Oh, that felt good to say. Willa was almost in awe of herself.
And now she could barely breathe, waiting for him to deny and lie and chastise her. Because that was what men did. That was what her father did. They told women that what they could see with their own eyes was not true.
An indecipherable expression crossed his face. “I had hoped my friendship with Letty Bainhurst had been more of a secret.”
“Everyone seems to know, except her husband.”
“Probably because he has been with her for the past few months. I have not been with Letty. We did have a...” He paused as if not knowing how to characterize their liaison. “It was over before I offered for you.”
So, rumors were wrong...?
And then she heard herself ask a question she had promised herself she would never ask because she’d overheard her mother say it more than a time or two. “Do you love her?”
“I did.”
Willa’s stomach went hollow. She had not expected such frank honesty. Her father had always denied any emotions for any women in his life.
She made herself speak, “Well, then you should be happy that you are free to pursue her.”
He reached for her hand. He was not wearing gloves. She wanted to refuse the contact but found she couldn’t.
Other than the dance floor, the last time they had been hand-in-hand had been when they stood together in front of a crowded ballroom and announced their betrothal. They had both been wearing gloves then. Now, she was startled by how strong, firm, and warm his grip was.
“Letty claimed she was unhappy in the marriage. I was new to London and the title, and obviously in over my head. I appreciated her attention. She offered me guidance... and I believed her when she said that I was her savior.”
