“Whichever way you choose, it will be right.”
“I pray that is true.”
“The second is that no marriage, no love, can survive resentment and a lack of honesty. If you keep her, then it is as she is. Not as you would have her, because otherwise, she will feel she must lie to you. You would be happy to have her return the favor if the situation was different.”
He was right.
But could Roman make peace with who Leonie was?
He wasn’t certain, and until he knew, he needed to protect his heart.
When at last Leonie saw Roman later that morning, she could tell he had reached the decision to keep a distance between them. She might have picked an argument with him but Yarrow and Roman’s valet, Duncan Barr, arrived. She was overjoyed to see her butler. He was familiar and she needed that right now.
However, she could not help but note that the butler had a deep respect for her husband. Nor did Yarrow see Bonhomie as some crumbling ruin. He appeared excited to be part of the rebuilding.
He and Roman spent several hours that day circling and touring the house and discussing what would be needed in the way of household staff. Yarrow also had suggestions for reconstruction of different rooms.
Leonie trailed after them. She’d not had a full tour of the house and was interested in what they had to say, although Roman did not ask her opinion.
Drinking the elderberry wine had apparently taken her across some imaginary line in his mind. He was telling her with his distance that making love was not enough. The hopeful anticipation was gone from his voice when he deigned to speak to her.
What hurt most was that Yarrow didn’t notice this slight.
The noon meal was taken at Catherine and David’s cottage. No cider or ale was served for the meal. Everyone drank spring water, which was very sweet and refreshing, or hot tea with cream. They all treated her with respect, but Leonie was more than sensitive to the possibility that her in-laws were aware of her weakness.
Nor did it help later in the afternoon, when Roman, David, Yarrow, Barr, and even Whiby went to the squire’s to choose lambs, and Leonie found herself almost obsessed with the thought of drink. After all, Roman had evidently decided her soul was black. He might enjoy her body, but that didn’t stop him from disapproving of her.
At loose ends, she debated walking to the village. She might be able to find a bottle there... but at what cost? If her husband found out, and he would, she didn’t know what she would do.
Then again, she didn’t know what she would do anyway because she wasn’t feeling very good. Her insides felt shaky and her nerves were stretched thin. But she stayed at Bonhomie. She managed to hold her own.
Still, it was the greatest trial of her life and by night, even though she was beyond exhaustion, she did not sleep well. Especially when she learned Roman slept in the stables. If anyone thought it strange that the earl did not share his countess’s bed, they did not comment.
The next morning, Leonie was again left to her own concerns. Yarrow and Roman had gone off to the county center to hire staff.
She would have liked to hire staff.
She wanted to play some role at Bonhomie, if Roman would let her. He was so busy being all things that he didn’t leave anything for her.
Perhaps itwouldhelp if she found a drink. Then she would feel steadier.
This time, Leonie was convinced that she could not survive the day without some fortification. She put on her bonnet and set off for the village. She hadn’t been there yet but she’d been told if she followed the path she would find it. How she would manage a bottle with her lack of coin, she had not quite considered, but she would think of a good excuse. She could be clever that way.
Just like her mother.
That last thought brought her to a halt.
Tears threatened. She swallowed them back.
She had to be strong. She couldn’t let this defeat her. Her will needed to win, because if it didn’t, she wasn’t certain what Roman would do—
“Leonie?”
Leonie swung around to see her mother-in-law coming out of the woods to her. She pasted a smile on her face and Catherine smiled back.
Catherine was wearing obviously worn clothes, a wide-brimmed bonnet, and her hands were frightfully dirty. A smudge of dirt darkened her forehead. “Were you coming to see me?” Catherine asked expectantly.
What else could Leonie say except, “Yes, I am here for a visit. But how did you know I was right here?”
