Warily, Gavin asked, “What makes you say that?”
“Well, you were grim when I first sat with you but you turned positively white when I mentioned her.”
“She is an admirable young woman.”
“I’m certain she is, but we aren’t talking about her.”
A party of four gentlemen took a table not far from theirs and there were other club members coming in the door. Gavin settled back in his chair. He knew most of those men. If he walked across the room, they would expect his attention or be offended. He was better with Morris.
“I accept the marriage,” Gavin said. There, that should be it.
However, to his surprise, it wasn’t.
Morris had given him careful scrutiny and Gavin was becoming aware he didn’t look his best. His appearance was exactly that of a man who’d had little sleep and had spent a good portion of the night wandering in an attempt to quiet his thoughts.
“Tell me about it,” Morris said quietly.
“About Miss Charnock?” Gavin answered, denying what his friend was asking.
“Don’t treat me like an old fool. I respect you, Baynton. I pray you respect me as well.”
“There is not much to say,” Gavin demurred.
“You are in love.”
The direct and very accurate response blasted through Gavin’s defenses.
He looked to Morris, tempted to deny the statement. After all, men in love were weak . . . and he would be seen as the weakest of all—a man in love with his mistress.
And yet, God help him, he was.
“She won’t stay with me,” Gavin confessed and with those words, the tightness in him seemed to spring open.
He plunged ahead, the words tumbling out of him in mad confession. “I all but forced her to become my mistress. I had to have her, you see. From the moment I saw her back when I was courting Lady Charlene, I noticed her. Me, who was always too busy to think about women. I didn’t have the time.”
“I understand. You and I have much in common. I remember those days when I was building my fortune and my career. It takes great energy.”
“I have no energy for anything right now,” Gavin admitted. “I told her last night that I was going to offer for Leonie Charnock. I explained that I needed an heir, that my marriage would be nothing more than a business arrangement.” He met Morris’s eye. “I love Sarah. I can’t imagine my life without her. I’m a fool, aren’t I?”
“Why? Because you are in love?” Morris leaned back in his chair. “That is the state man was born to be in. Until I experienced it with Jenny, I, like you, thought it made me appear weak. Now I know, I was strongest with her. I had no life before her. It was all work and selfish thoughts. I believed money made me rich. She taught me what riches truly are.”
“And that was?”
“Having her in my arms. Hearing her laugh. Seeing her smile, or even cry. She made me feel like I mattered.”
Gavin fell back in his chair. “With Sarah, I am myself.”
“It is a gift.”
“Will I not find that with Miss Charnock?”
Morris shrugged. “You tell me.” He smiled at the server who delivered their food. The plates were set before them. Morris waited until they were alone again to say, “Eat. Food will help.”
“I have no appetite. I’ve lost her, Fyclan. Sarah is a proud woman. I feel as if I have betrayed her. I have.”
“Then don’t marry the Charnock heiress.”
“I must. I haven’t spent that much time with her, but my mother and my aunt have made inquiries. Her parents have approved the match. There are expectations.”
