She reached for the glass in his hand and took a healthy sip. She placed the glass on the floor beside her, letting the warmth of the whisky settle through her. “Why are you down here alone?” She paused, reflected, and then asked, “What is it you don’t want to tell me?”
He gave a start. “You know me so well.”
“There is a reason you are not upstairs.”
Gavin nodded. Then he said, “I must marry.”
For the briefest, most glorious second, Sarah’s heart leaped at those words, until she realized he didn’t mean her. He was not upset because he was going to marry her. She was the mistress. An actress. Not the sort of woman a good man married.
She knew that. The world knew it. She had no right to feel hurt. Or deceived.
This moment was bound to come sometime. She just had assumed it wouldn’t be so soon, that they would have more time together.
Or that perhaps it wouldn’t come at all. She’d fooled herself into believing it would not matter.
But it did.
“Yes, of course,” she murmured, surprised she could speak at all past the tightness in her throat.
“There are expectations,” he said as if trying to explain what he couldn’t accept. “I need an heir.”
Those words were like tiny arrows to her heart. An heir, children . . . if he had asked for her soul, she would offer it up. But children were different. She would never be able to give him a child.
She found it hard to breathe, to think.
“I need to go to bed,” she managed, anxious to leave the room before she betrayed herself. She stood, but then she had to ask, “Have you found someone?”
“I haven’t been looking, if that is what you are asking. I’ve been here with you.”
“And yet?”
“There is a suitable young woman. Her family is amenable to a match . . .” His voice drifted off, and then he sat forward. “Sarah, I don’t want another.”
Neither did she.
“When will you talk to her family?” she asked.
Gavin shifted in his chair, the set of his mouth grim. “Her father approached me today. He let me know he was pleased and told me he’d given the union his blessing. He did so in front of a number of witnesses. I was caught off guard.”
“Have you even asked for her hand yet?”
He met her eye then and said, “My mother and aunt have made overtures. I called on the girl, back before we were who we are.” There was a beat of silence and then he asked, “What of us, Sarah? I want us.”
She had wanted “us,” too, and now realized she had a decision to make. A painful one.
Sarah backed away, and yet she did not go far. She stopped at the edge of the circle of light. She had vowed that she would not end up like her mother. She’d tried marriage, and that had been a disaster. She’d attempted to be her own person, to make her own way . . . and she might have succeeded but she hadn’t been doing well when she’d met Gavin.
So, she’d compromised herself. For love, she had bartered her principles.
And now he asked for her to continue on this way. Well, what had she expected? There was always going to be one ending and it would not be a happy one whichever way she chose.
However, she had not anticipated the temptation to be with him would be so strong. Or realize the cost . . .
He stood. “Sarah? Speak to me.”
“And say what?”
“I need to know what you are thinking.”
