Part of me wants to smile at how different we are. He pauses for a moment to take a breath, and the look in his eyes tells me there’s so much more to say. “The death of humans was necessary for a long time, but our soldiers aren’t becoming better at this point. Many of the Godforged are coming back broken and unable to continue fighting. We need to stop fighting just because it’s what we’ve done for so long. That’s why I killed Echo. She refused to rally alongside me, and as the second strongest champion, her vocal dissent caused a rift among the champions. Now that she’s out of the way, and you’re going to win the title of Champion of Nyxthos, we can work together to prepare in other ways—ways that don’t involve wholesale slaughter.”
I start to ask what he’d have done had I not been so special, but Inni speaks first. “I gave up my life for thousands of years to protect the people of Nyth. I decided to be a part of this war. Fiona, I understand the purpose of all those deaths. Sometimes, we must make the less evil of two choices. Should we allow the armies of the Godforged to feed on humans or be unprepared for the Hunters? The first option gave Nyth and its people a chance to survive. The second was to see us all burned to ash. Even now, those sacrifices may not have been enough.”
“They were,” Azric says. “They had to be. Saelira foretold it. I have done everything I was supposed to do. I have become strong enough. Even Sidon believes I could stand against them.”
I don’t know what to say after that. That things may have been different had I not found my way to this specific time and place and joined the competition for the title of Champion of Nyxthos doesn’t matter. The gods pushed me here, Saelira included. There was never a question of whether I would find myself in this very time and place with my particular skill set.
But why? “I’m being manipulated by the gods, correct?” I ask. Azric nods his head, but I’m looking at Inni as I say it. She turns her head some to better see me, and I stare into the flaming red eye that’s nearly as large as I am. “Why me? If all that matters is that I was born outside the Pact and that I could win Nyxthos’s trials, why would they guidemeinstead of someone else? Rhaskar or my tutors could have done what I did. They’re far more powerful and skilled than I am. Rhaskar’s been fighting in this war since the beginning. Cedric and Bram both have thirty years of combat and leadership experience. I’m good, but they’re better. So why me?”
Inni’s voice is soft thunder when she speaks. “Because I would not have allowed any of them on my back. They would have seen Azric as the enemy just as you did when you first arrived, but you’ve accepted that you don’t know everything. And you are…good. The other Priests are not. Your father and his leadership have done terrible things in the name of survival. You were not there when Rhaskar toppled an entire cliff face onto a village we’d just taken. He killed dozens of Undying and all the villagers. It shocked usand was one of the first moments where we hesitated. He was willing to do whatever it took to win the war against us, including killing his own people. You have never even lifted a blade against an unarmed enemy. This is important even if you cannot see it.”
The thought of Rhaskar killing an entire village like that isn’t surprising. I can imagine him explaining his logic.They would have been killed just like the other villages were. Lysara herself told me she would crush Sylvantia. But we killed dozens of Godforged who would have raped and murdered how many other villages in their immortal lives?
I know Rhaskar would have done that, but would I have? I don’t know.
“So, I was forced down this path because I’m softer than them?”
“No,” Inni says. Azric’s staring at me silently as the dragon speaks. “You were chosen because you are not like Prince Azric has been forced to become. You have heard of Sidon’s mate, Vesper, correct?”
I nod to her. “Good. You are like she was. You refuse to accept that something is unchangeable. You will fight to fix the problems in the world, and while Azric has never fled from a fight, he has faced battles he could not win. He has learned that sometimes giving up is the best option. You haven’t, and I suspect that in the coming days, we will need someone to remind us that fighting a battle you’re certain to lose is better than giving up.”
“I don’t know if you’re right about that,” I say softly.
Azric kneels down and takes my hand in his. “She is.”
I don’t know what to say to them. I’ve felt nearly broken twice now. When I found out how my parents died and when Saelira told me I’d die, I couldn’t have been a useful person. How many times will I witness or be forced to do something terrible and find myself sitting silently in a corner?
As if he can read my mind, Azric says, “You’ve been thrown into a world that’s so much larger than you expected. When that happened to me…” He glances at Inni, and there’s nothing but love toward her. “When that happened to me, I would have broken if Inni hadn’t been there. Just like with fighting, learning to be confident and stand tall in this world takes training and experience. You’ve done surprisingly well here for someone whose entire life has taken place in relative safety.”
I have, haven’t I? Two breakdowns in two months of nearly constant threat of death, and one of those was after being told by a goddess that I would die. “Thank you,” I say, letting out some of the tension that’s been building. I look out at the horizon one more time before taking a breath.
Azric sits down beside me and says, “Whoever led you to me was right to do it. I feel more at peace than I ever have since I took up the mantle of Prince of Bones. There’s something about you that lets me breathe a little easier.”
I remember what he told me last night.I crave you. I wanted to see you, to touch you, to consume you.
I smile at him, but I don’t respond. The image of him under me last night flashes through my mind. He was right to push me away then. I can already feel the emotional ties building between us,and now that I know what possibly awaits me in a week, I can’t let them grow any stronger.
Azric carries too many emotional scars already, and until just recently, if I died, it would ruin his plans, but he wouldn’t wear another scar on his soul. Now, it would be a small one, I think, but if I let us grow any closer, it will be far worse for him.
Saelira told me I would die, and while I might save myself, it’s unlikely. I’m not fool enough to gamble my champion in a game of Khorra on whether I’m smart enough to do what a goddess couldn’t. That’s what I’d be doing if we spent the next week growing closer, so instead, I will keep my distance. If I die, I need Azric to be strong enough to fight and save Nyth.
My life matters so little compared to that. “Thank you for everything you’ve done for me, Azric,” I whisper. “You’re the only reason I’ve made it this far.”
He smiles at me, but it’s not real, and I know he heard the sadness in my voice.
We let the night air blow rather than talk. I remember the way his body and wings had felt last night when I’d been in the depths of despair. He’d been my everything in that moment, and now I have to push him away.
It’s not right to hurt another to find some comfort, especially when I most likely won’t survive to comfort him back.
But tonight, we can enjoy the wind and stars together on the back of a dragon. Tonight, we can smile silently as the world takes its deep breath. It’s in silence that real decisions are made, after all.Not the loud arguments. Not the battles. It’s those moments when the world holds its breath. That’s when the world changes.
Tonight, I’m changing the future. Azric Cyrus will not hurt more than he has to if I die. Azric Cyrus will walk away from my death and do what he must do to save Nyth.
Chapter 51
I have saved Saelira for last to speak of. We know so little of her. She takes no part in any of the gods’ conflicts. She disappears for years or even decades at a time. But when she speaks, even the gods would be fools to ignore her.
~Cedric Penrose, A Treatise on the Gods and Their Powers
