The entire day feelsoff,and that’s saying something for a place like the Patch.
I haven’t slept through the night since I told Felix never to see me again. No matter how much booze I guzzle, I awake in the night, gasping and clutching my chest.
Each night, I see Felix’s bloody body. His eyes aren’t closed in my dreams. They’re wide open, looking at me with a sad expression that guts me to my core.
Two straight weeks of the same dream, and I can’t fucking stand it anymore. I need to see if he’s okay.
Maggie’s Dinerappears, and I slow my bike about a quarter mile from the actual restaurant—just close enough that I cansee in, but still out of sight.
I see Maggie and Gilda, but no Felix.
I start my bike and pull a little closer. I’m terrified of him seeing me, so I keep my bike out of sight while still having a view into the restaurant.
I sit there for about ten or fifteen minutes, waiting to see him appear, but he never does.
My gut twists, and I start to panic. I start my bike once more and pull into the parking lot ofMaggie’s Diner.
It’s not lost on me that things went from Felix creeping outside my home and place of business to me doing the same to him, but I don’t care. I just want to see him living his life with that mischievous glint in his eyes that I always told myself I didn’t like.
Big lie, by the way. I liked it.
This is so stupid. He’s going to come waltzing out of the back in a moment and see me sitting here on my bike, and all I did to push him away and keep him safe will be undone. He’ll know I can’t stop thinking about him, and he’ll come knocking on my door, then I’ll be back at square one.
I can’t be with Felix.
My hand travels to the ignition, fully intending on racing away, but I stop once more.
I need to know.
Maybe he’s in the back doing something, or perhaps he’ll be in later. I’ll never know for sure unless I ask. I kick the side stand and wedge my helmet beneath my arm.
The jingle of the door signals my entrance, and I’m met with a sour-faced Maggie.
“Well, look at this asshole. Where the hell have you been?” she asks with a hand on her hip.
“Busy,” I blurt out, then ask, “Is Felix in the back?”
Maggie cocks her head to the side. “Felix quit a couple of weeks ago. He said he had family stuff to tend to and couldn’t commit to the schedule.”
Her words hit me like a gut punch.
For a moment, everything stops. Like the world skips a beat, and I’m the only one who feels it.
I don’t waste a second turning on my heels and crossing the distance to the entrance.
“Hey!” Maggie screams after me. “Don’t you want a coffee and a donut?”
“No time. Soon!” I call back.
When I’m back on my bike, I text Gabe.
Open up the shop, will ya? Gotta check on something. Be back later.
I start my bike up and pull out of the parking lot, skid marks trailing behind me, and make my way to the Mayor’s Mansion.
I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, and that’s the part that scares me the most.
But I need to see him walking around, existing on this planet, or I’ll lose my goddamned mind.
