“Because I know me! I know what I can give to someone else, and it’s not what you need. And even if I could, I’d never give that to you, Felix.”
My heart sinks.Fuck, it hurts.
Felix’s face—
It just…breaks.
And I did that.
I force myself not to take it back. Not to fix it.
This is what he needs.
“You don’t mean that,” he replies with a shaky voice.
“I mean it. I don’t have a heart, Felix. I don’t caress, I destroy, and I can’t have theMayorof Belmont on my ass when I hurt you. You’re nothing but another twink I’ll leave lying on the floor of theKitty Cat Club. I’m not whatever little fucking fantasy you’ve convinced yourself I am.”
I step to the can of beers and grab one off the floor. Anything to keep from standing still. The words coming out of my mouth make me sick—
But I don’t stop.
I get a can and wave it right in his face. “I’m this.” I motion to the space surrounding us. “And this shop. All I need is my shop, a beer, and my bike.Youneed to grow the fuck up and realize that you’re nothing to me. I don’t care about you and never will.”
A single tear falls down his cheek.
My hand shakes, already lifting to wipe it away—to take it all back.
I force itback to my side.
“Leave, Felix. Leave me alone and don’t ever come back here.”
Felix stands there. Motionless. He quickly wipes the tear away and whispers, “Sorry I bothered you.”
He darts down the stairs. I can hear his soft whimpering as he runs through the shop to his bike. My feet race down the spiral staircase, moving like they have minds of their own, and run out the front entrance to watch him pedal down the street.
My body moves forward before I can stop it.
I lean forward, ready to run. To chase him down. To beg him to come back.
Let him go.
This is for the best. He deserves love, and I can’t give that to him. He deserves much more than me.
Felix rounds a corner, and I walk back into the shop feeling like the world’s stopped spinning. Gabriel stands there, looking at me.
“Don’t,” I whisper. “Let’s just get this car done and close early, okay?”
Gabriel says nothing because he usually doesn’t, but his face says it all. I lie on the creeper and push myself under the car. This is where I belong, with metal and grease. Things that I can’t hurt. Things that won’t bleed.
I don’t deserve him.
Chapter 18
Felix
Before my father was elected Mayor of Belmont, we lived in a beautiful home on Mulberry Street surrounded by roses and lilacs. My mother’s garden was the envy of all who saw it. The backyard was a winding maze of roses in shades of red, yellow, and coral. The lilacs surrounding the home formed a barricade, separating the yard from the world beyond, and I spent hours pruning the floral paradise alongside my mother.
It was my safe space. When things got really bad at school, I’d wander through the garden, allowing the scent to lull me into a state of tranquility.
